Make Me Feel Good...Say Nice Things.

I was reading an article recently that mentioned if we (women) don't feel loved or supported then it affects other areas of our lives (relationships, work, school). The article goes on to say that African American women are the most undervalued group of women in the U.S. and are often the most stressed out. I sat and I thought about that point for a minute and came to the conclusion that this does have some merit. I don't know about you, but in my culture/household, this is what support looks like; "...that don't fit you right...why you buying clothes that fit you so..." repeated with utter disdain spread across the face, or "...I'll help you with...but I need $20" What kind of support is that? The people in my culture seemingly have extreme difficulty expressing their thoughts, love, support in a more accepting manner as it may make them them soft or vulnerable. What they might tell you in response to this is that they were not brought up this way or the ever popular, "don't bring eggs to rock stone dance", meaning you either toughen up or don't come around with your emotional shit! The women in my culture, mostly, are seemingly very strong minded, strong willed and very strong backed. We might be characterized as loud, demeaning, threatening. All of this I believe to be facade or untrue. But that's a different topic for a another blog.I just want one person in their lives to tell them its ok to let those walls down just a bit. Not everyone in your life needs to have their head snapped off, and that there is a way to talk to people without complete disdain and disregard in your voice. People want to be encouraged, supported, loved in different ways. If you really want to help someone out, find out what THEY NEED and HOW THEY WOULD LIKE it packaged. Don't offer your support, advice, love, encouragement how you see fit or pretty soon the only people that will be left in your midst would be people just like you...loud opinionated and un-supportive. But please don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying that you should lie or sugar coat everything, I'm saying...Be Nice. Showing someone you love, support them makes them feel better about themselves, boosts their self-esteem. Why wouldn't you want to help your friend, sister, mom etc feel better about them selves? What about you? Do you have difficulty offering your support in a way that may leave you vulnerable?

Feminists VS The Silly Ho'

I am all for GIRL POWER, and for women claiming the right to wear what they want, style their hair the way they please, have relationships with who they want, and having a family or not. Your personal choices are your own business, and no one should have the right to tell you or suggest otherwise. What gets under my skin is OTHER WOMEN ridiculing or passing judgement on a specific group of women, i.e.,  the group that is not like them.

Why is it that because you can rock a 'fro you must judge women who rock the doobie? Or because you you know where to get your vintage items at the Flea market you make fun of the girl that loves her Juicy Couture sweats  Or because you smell like Shea Butter and Coconut oil and she smells like Chanel No. 5 means that she can't engage in a conversation just as competently as you can?. Why are her morals, beliefs, education, ethics, thoughts, lifestyle any less important than yours?

I see both kinds of women as strong individuals able to carve out their own individuality while still being capable of fighting against "The Man". We don't need to wear "Jesus Sandals" and African Printed skirts, peasant blouses and a 'fro to be taken seriously. If you think the woman fabulously dressed in high end designer wear rocking her chemical relaxer and pumps is silly or can't be taken seriously then you are the one in need of a perspective adjustment.

Tihana Nemcic, 24, Head Coach of
 Men's Soccer team in Croatia

I was browsing through some comments that a group of women made about a picture of a woman in heels and a miniskirt, kicking a soccer ball. I immediately thought that the woman, Tihana Nemcic, was talented; to be able to balance herself in heels, a miniskirt while show casing her athletic capabilities (she's the first female coach of an a men's soccer team in Croatia), however, two of the the comments were very disappointing. While Ms. Nemcic is attractive and obviously fit, she was criticized for wearing heels and her physical appearance. The ladies commenting missed the point of the picture entirely and took nothing away except a sexual image. What about her contribution to the sport? And her advancement for the women in Croatia? By   belittling the picture and this woman's achievement, they have opened the way for some other ass to say women don't belong on an athletic field but in beauty pageants, and exposed their own insecurity about being attractive and athletic and a positive role model all at the same time.

 This woman in the picture proves that all are possible.

Tihana Nemcic

There is no Feminist Purity test, there is no test that proves that you're either for us or against us. you choose to live your life the best way you can to advance yourself, and by doing that you become your own litmus test. You prove that you can do whatever you want while wearing what ever you choose and no loud mouthed insecure tunnel visioned coward can say otherwise.

I live my life solely for my own happiness.  No one makes my decisions and imposes their thoughts or beliefs on me. I am my own woman.

P.S....Did I mention Ms.Nemcic is only 24?!?!?!

My hiatus is over...

Hey there my faithful readers (I say hopefully)...I would love to tell you awesome stories of mt summer adventures at some exotic getaway or about how I won the Mega Millions (still dreaming), but I can't because this summer was spent was spent WORKING!!!!...on WEEKENDS!!!!! I say this grudgingly because it messed up summer plans and and often work was chosen over a girls night of debauchery...oh well. It worked out however, I got a wee bit of a promotion and my weekends are now MINE...BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! 

 This summer was quite interesting though, especially with the summer Olympics I must say though that after watching the Olympics I got a bit jealous of the legs on some of these girls..and their six packs...take a look at the Team USA's 4X400 meter women's relay team.....CHISELED!

 ... people acting like they got no sense...that guy from Colorado that shot up the movie theatre and killed 12 people, injuring several others. A nut case.  

..and didya hear? KStew and RPatz broke up? sniff, sniff. oh well, they'll get back together, he'll cheat on her and then they'll get engaged and the day before the wedding they'll call it off. Moving on. 

AND yes...cant wait for this year's Presidential Debates...there's one at Lynn University that I'm particularly looking forward to. I'm drooling in anticipation for Obama to wipe the floor with that other guy.

 My next post will be published quite soon....so stay tuned... no really...like in a day or so....

In a better place

This past week my family suffered two deaths. One of them was quite sudden and shook me up for a while. Being the person that I am, I did not immediately take to FB and share my out pour of grief or call up friends so that I can boo-hoo over the matter. Instead I stayed in my room for about thirty minutes and did my own version grieving. Being that I'm from a small community some people inevitably found out and TEXTED or called me to send their condolences. I am uncomfortable with death when it happens to others, I never know what to say or how to share my sympathies. Its like this awkward moment and you're expected to say something poignant, deep, helpful. I usually say nothing and just hang around waiting for the family of the deceased to ask for something so that I can be the first to get it to show that I am here if she/he needs me. But now that the shoe is on the other foot I have found it quite ANNOYING and THOUGHTLESS to have people who barely know me or my family share their infinite wisdom in FIVE words "She's/He's in a better place"!!! WTF does that mean?? Yeah I get it, we're hoping the person that person gets to live an eternal life of bliss with our maker, but what if that person was a royal jackass? We all know where they're possibly going? But better yet...this statement does not make anyone feel better. I do not feel any better. If anyone can tell me WHERE this place is ...with certainty i'll relent. What place would be better than here with his loved ones, eating, drinking, having a good time with family and friends. For now all i know that the other place is six feet under in a box...that is not better.


And another thing, if you're going to come to the wake WITHOUT FOOD/DRINK please do not sit in the corner talking about how the deceased brought this on herself or talking about the other family members, its just in poor taste. So you might as well don't show up at all.


And....please if I'm still grieving two weeks later, do not call incessantly or bully your way through my front trying to get me to go see a movie. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE A MOVIE! My grief is mine, when I feel like going to see a movie I'll go. People forget what their role is during this time; its not to make sense of the situation or help me feel better, but to be a friend and that means being there for me when I need you. 




P.S. Please don't text me your condolences, if we really are friends, I would appreciate your phone call.

Strong woman or weak wife?

For the past week I was deeply enthralled in the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy and once I began reading I had one thought, I WOULD NOT MAKE A GOOD SUBMISSIVE. This just doesn't apply to BDSM (Bondage Dominance and Submission Masochism) but in regular relationship situations. I am definitively not a "yes" person; I need to know the hows, whys and ifs behind everything request or thought. What about you ladies? How submissive are you to your partners? Are you strong enough to put your convictions aside and let him take control? And why is it so hard for us give up that control? We married the guy why not let him take control? How far does your trust extend?

Personally, this is something I know I need to work on because I have huge issues with relinquishing control over parts of my life. But why? Relationships are made of constant compromise, and it takes a strong person to say OK, I'll allow you to have this or take care of this and I'll wait. Or, during a argument both parties cannot win, someone has to say OK you win and walk away in order for the argument to end. I have seen men do this quite a bit, as they know if they don't admit they were wrong and submit to the woman, the argument could go on forever and as a result he wouldn't get any loving for possibly the rest of the week. They do this to have a good nights rest and regain some quiet in the home and possibly let her be happy thinking she won the argument. As women, how often do we take the road less traveled and say "you're right" or "I'm sorry" just to keep the peace and keep things flowing?

On another note, how about SERVING your man, the essence of submitting? I agree that after a long day at work, coming home to a very active 5 year old and making dinner while doing the laundry the last thing on our mind is giving our men a foot rub...especially if he's watching TV while you're slaving in the kitchen. But, what if we forget the laundry for one night and rub his feet, massage his back wear those crotch less panties that he likes? He might be more amenable to doing the laundry the next day. I'm not saying bribe him with sex, I'm saying please your man, comfort him and perhaps he might say "Damn, she cooks, she cleans let me show her some appreciation by loading the wash". Its called compromise; you serve him and he serves you.

I remember years ago, when an older female friend asked me if I ever cooked for my boyfriend at the time, I said "Oh hell no!" Why would I cook for him, we're just boyfriend and girlfriend. All I kept hearing was my mother in my ear "hmm, you better watch dem little boys and dem. All dey want is one ting." I was being so vigilant, trying to look at everything, making sure he didn't "get one over on me" that I was being a less than perfect girlfriend. He always came over, always took me wherever I needed I needed to be without me having to ask, made sure I got to work on time....But I never cooked him dinner, I never offered to pay for the gas in the car, and I never freely gave him a foot rub. I was accepting all the things he did for me as just a part of us being together and all he needed was my thanks and good company. To show my appreciation I spent more weekends at my mother's house and learned to cook different dishes. He was very appreciative.

Are we women brainwashed into thinking that if we give a little of ourselves in a relationship that the man will take advantage of our vulnerability? There is always that possibility in all relationships, but if we don't give, just even a little, there's a better chance that a good man may walk away and find someone who will rub his back and cook his dinner. 

What are your thoughts, does it take a strong woman to submit to the needs of her partner? 

P.S....in search for pictures for this post, I looked for woman giving a foot rub, and there was none. Instead I found several pictures with men rubbing women's feet. Just saying.

Southern Hospitality....Needed up North

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Last month I visited my friend Kelli and her family in Orlando, Fla for some me time. And I got a lot. Silly me, I was thinking Orlando would be comparable to Miami in terms of the party life. I was sadly mistaken. There were fun things to do like visit the Orlando Studios, home of Harry Potter and Downtown Disney, home of...well everything Disney. We did have fun though especially when we took in some live reggae music at a night club/restaurant/bar called Bob Marley's, where I fell in love for ten minutes when I saw a gorgeous young man. If you know me at all, you'd know that by then end of the night I was already thinking about something else. My love never lingers for long. It was a fun trip, Kelli and her family did their best to make me feel welcome and got to meet her two rambunctious kids. 

Loving me at Downtown Disney

One thing that will FOREVER stick with me is the fact that Kelli's husband, a modern, hip young man by all definitions, had such gentlemanly ways. He never let us carry our bags or open our doors, and was so darn patient. I was dumbfounded. It was so nice to be treated like a lady and have someone patiently wait on you while you're getting dressed and not say "hurry up" or "I'm leaving in 5 minutes with or without you" I know what you must be saying... Who have you been dating? or Where the hell do you live? I live in Brooklyn, NY, one of the hardest places to find a suitable mate for any sex. I asked my friend, Kelli about it and she told me that her husband has always been like this, and that's just who he is. Kelli went on to say that its a southern thing, and it got me thinking.....I have been out with a few men, two of them with deep southern roots. One of them, my friend Al, has ALWAYS open my doors, made sure I was on the "inside" when walking in public and he NEVER splits the bill even when I suggested that we hang out. But I never noticed that until I went to Orlando and came back to NY. I was so used to the un-gentleman Brooklyn ways, I remember asking myself once when Al came to pick me up and rung my door bell, my stupid behind said (to myself) why is he ringing my bell, he should should call the phone. SMH...this is what happens when you're used to horrible treatment; you expect it because its what you're used to. 

Me and girl, Kelli at Bob Marley's

 

The character, Mya in Think Like A Man, the motion picture had it right. We, women should be expecting, and waiting for our potential suitors, to open our doors and carry our bags and do the gentlemanly thing whenever possible. Its not that we think we're "too special" but as a man, that's just what you do. You take care of a woman, and show her you think that she's worthy by doing these little things for her. Some women might get left on the curbside once or twice but it would definitely weed out the undesirables.

I know SOME men might say that not all women are deserving of this type of treatment, but you're wrong. We all are, we may not act like it, but ALL woman want some thought and effort put into an outing, and we all want to be treated like we're an Ethiopian Empress. Treat a "hard" woman right, and she'll soften up, if she doesn't then you may want to exit that relationship. 

From now on....I'm looking for men who grew up in the Carolinas, Virginia, Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, Alabama. 

No Sex In the Recreation Room...yes There is.

What do you think about relationships/affairs in the workplace? I believe its a no-no. It can get messy, inappropriate and awkward for those involved and those who know about it. Not to mentioned the possibility of getting fired. In a previous post, I mentioned that it seems like if everyone has slept with or is sleeping with everyone at bu current job..and I really think they are.

 One of the directors, Mz. Sexy, who recently lost some weight is apparently very happy with her new body and the way she looks and is delving into her interest in black men. Go ahead Ms. Sexy! Last week a conversation between her and ONE of her interests got so titillating I had to leave my desk so that I could preserve some of my innocence. Psssst...just between us he was out of the chair on her side of the desk.....She also got her hands on the only only good looking dread at the place...dammit (in case you didn't know, I have a thing for dreadlocks)....That same day she left work early and asked me to let "the guy" know she was in a meeting, "because its just easier". Can somebody say PLAYA?!?

I started eating my breakfast & lunch in the staff dining room so as to appear approachable and make friends. I was too approachable. Since then I have been asked all sorts of slightly inappropriate questions, including if I would be willing to pose for a picture so one of the guys can keep with him always. I would be fully clothed  of course. My response was that I'm here every week, no need for pictures. I mean it has gotten so bad that I think the prospect of fresh meat has temporarily put all the men on a serious high trying to get laid. They're like peacocks, spreading their plumes trying to get the attention of the new peahens. I think the concept of              no is such a rarity in this building that it has momentarily stunned them, and left them stupid. 

I can see how easy it may be for someone to find "love" at the workplace; its convenient, and you already know the person. However, its a tad LAZY. If you think you're so HOT why not venture out of the workplace and find a more suitable hookup, one that may not cost you your job or the respect of your superiors? And why would you think that its appropriate for you to approach every new young lady like she's a "ho" and proposition her? I understand that this type of behavior may have worked for you in the past, but if you're such a 'G', you should take pride in your shit, be a bit more clever and better your game. The same tired ass lines don't work on all women, especially in their place of work. Some of us actually have a touch of class.

But its not just the guys to blame, some of the girls show up in colored bras underneath their sheer tops. I asked one girl if she meant to do that and she looked at me as if that was such an inappropriate question. I have seen young women stick their butts out when walking pass guys so that the guys can "cop a feel" and then they act like they're so shocked. You just gave him an invitation, of course he's going to RSVP.

When at work keep your schlong in your slacks or else one day someone would take you too seriously and report your disgusting butt to HR, and you'll get accused of sexual harassment. 

My memorial baby

My baby, acting a fool

 It was the Tuesday after memorial day. I awoke @ 6:15 AM with a desperate urge to go number one, but when I got to the bathroom that was not the case. I felt no pain, no discomfort,  just a steady flow of "life fluid" escaping me. Eleven hours later, @ 5:31 PM I gave birth to a tiny baby and earned the greatest achievement of my life. NO, not giving birth, being in pain for 10 hours approximately and not ripping Nigel to shreds. I am a SOLDIER! I would later rip him to shreds when I realized that I would never get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, no more spontaneous sex, and no eating or pooping on your own schedule, everything was was on his time....just like the army I was operating under another man's tightly kept regime. That first year of being a mother was a shock to my system, and I quite often suffered a system failure between 12 and 2AM every morning. Even my system failures were cut short to attend  to a hungry, wet, cranky baby. To say I was not ENJOYING motherhood wasn't quite accurate. Malachi made me happy; I loved seeing his smile and his mischievous looking one tooth, but the state of motherhood had  been exceedingly overrated, lied about to dope unsuspecting young women in love to create life. I felt completely duped and wanted my life back. If you ever want to scare your daughter into abstinence take her to a mommy and me group and let her watch all the strung out mothers walking around like zombies due to lack of sleep talking about organic baby food and their kids' bowel movements. trust me. I already had a kid, and listening to these women made me want to give mine back. Having a baby is no joke.....complete system failure. Did I mention that Malachi's terrible twos lasted from 18 months until he was 3 1/2?? THE WAR OF THE EGO. The day I realized that his "monster" stage was gone, I threw a small party. I packed a bag and took him into the public. He was now ready to be an active member of society and I didn't have to secretly pinch him under the table to remind of of his home training. He is now a well behaved member of the community, and I don't mind claiming him as my own.

Then came THE PORCELAIN WARS OF 2010 and 2011. I almost lost that one, but I kept at it , and fate brought me a natural strategy in the form of a bout of diarrhea. I'll spare you the details. But Malachi can now fully participate in all outdoor activities without the use of a pull up. Thank heavens

Hanging out with Malachi is my favorite part of the day, he is by far my most favorite person to be with. AND he says the funniest and sweetest things, though sometimes a bit weird. This morning, after jumping in bed under my blanket kicking me in my side, and waking me BEFORE the alarm went off he says to me, "Mommy are you up? I am not going to leave you today ok? I don't want to leave you all alone to day, because I don't want you to be all alone." How could you not love a guy that says this to you? Of course, that was also his attempt to get a day off from school. Did I mention he was also manipulative?

 As I celebrate his birthday this memorial weekend, all I can think of is wow we really came a long way. he no longer spits up on my shirt and I no longer need to lay him on the bed to wipe his butt. My System failures occur less often. I have gone through potty training and the terrible twos and came out a national hero for fighting both wars. My baby is turning five, he's growing up, and I just wish he stays as funny and sweet and absolutely gorgeous as he is right now.

I think she's a hater.

Why is it so difficult to get your girlfriends to support you?? For years I would have these amazing ideas (I thought) and only a few girls would actually give constructive criticism or actually say something positive. They have been the same women throughout the years, and I find it so mind boggling that women can be such haters to other women. I love hanging out with my girls talking shit or having intelligent conversations, or laughing at silly things at the expense of others, but growing up I have felt different in the presence in some girls. Some seemed so conniving, deceitful, and just so petty. A FRIEND once set me up on a phone conversation with her current boyfriend to see how far I would go. Since I thought she was a friend, he was quickly shot down, and I told her what happened. She then told me she set up the whole thing, needless to say we are no longer friends. Its crap like that has made me want to hang out more with the guys, but they have their own issues.... and that's for another post.

I am currently brainstorming a project with a close friend of mine and besides her and another close friend, everyone I have told have had the same thing to say to me "oui papa, you ain't play doing big tings nah" and that was it. No show of interest in the project, no asking how am I gonna get this done, how far I have gotten. I mean, am I too sensitive or or did those women just told me in their own little Grenadian way that I'm getting too big for my britches? Their attitude is not going to sway me. I'm not 13 anymore, but it would be nice to say this person has been there for me and is a true friend.

It saddens me a bit that I have to cut people off or walk away from a friendship because someone hasn't grown up as yet. As I'm maturing, I am embracing everything woman. I'm enjoying talking to other women, being in their company, sharing experiences about children, men, sex, fashion or just gossiping...I'm just loving being a woman ....I'm Loving Me. And I appreciate all the women in my life. But I understand that some just can't let their guard down and be happy for others. Its ok though, I just bought a new pair of shades to block out all that haterade.

Chime in, what has been your experience with fellow women?

Gimme a minute, I got some things I need to get off my chest

Things that I should have said to my exes

1) No, you weren't my first.

2) Sorry, I'm just not feeling you anymore. Yes, I'm seeing someone else. Yes, I already started. Technically its not cheating...I was  already done, you just didn't know.

3) Grown men should not be wearing briefs.... especially not with leopard prints.

4) The "jack rabbit" is not an acceptable form of lovemaking after age 25. Learn a new technique.

5) It is not ok that you only have one more class to complete to earn your degree but you're here talking about being a professional radio personality and wondering when you're gonna make it....that sounds stupid to me!

Things that I should have said to fellow passengers on the train.

1) Your spatial perception must be off because your ass is way too big to fit in that seat. 

2) It is not ok for your ass to be caressing my ass, I don't care how packed the train is.

3) MEN: Because you have a schlong between your legs it doesn't give you leeway to occupy two seats. Your genitalia doesn't require special treatment from the MTA.

4) If my head is down, if my headphones are in my ear, if I'm reading a book, if all three occur at the same time..take a hint...I do not want to talk about the wonderful weather we're having or how slow the train is today....and yes...it is cold enough for me.

5) To the hot guy in the seat in front of me...hey ;-) My name is Lynn, wonderful weather we're having huh?

3 Things I should have said to my teachers

1) I totally plagiarized that paper.

2) I'm only taking this class for the easy A, I don't really need to know how to do a downward dog and the garland pose...except for sex. (Just so you know, I didn't miss one class ;-) )

3) Thank you Prof. Darling!!! I really loved my African American History classes. (NO, I'm not a total cynic)

Prof. Marsha J. Tyson Darling

Things I want to say to my five year old son.

1) Don't take relationship advice from your dad, he is not as smooth as he seems. Trust me. Don't fall for the hype.

2) You already have everything you need to make a girl fall for you....a nice smile and good manners.

3) The day you start acting like a player is the day I will disown you. 

4) You didn't hear this from me, but, if you decide not to attend college right away its ok. But this is just between you and me.

You gotta fake it to make it..

My new job has completed humbled me. With a downturn of events in my life I have had to accept a job for which I am rather over qualified, as the jobs for which I am most suited also think that I am over qualified (I can't even explain that). Having to make copies for people who I should be supervising, or completing tasks that are easy on my cognitive capabilities has left me EAGER...just a tad... but mindful that no matter my experiences or status in life or my education nothing is guaranteed. Who would have thought that 10 years after university, after ten years plus of work experience I would be "undesirable" to some pompous H.R. fart??

I don't know how people arrive at the conclusions they do, but hiring anyone with my pedigree and references would be an excellent choice. Instead it is seen as a potential loss because 1) I require more salary and benefits to start than someone less educated and less experienced, 2) I may, in the future, require an increase for all my experience and education and 3) I may flee the company in 6 months to a year to put my education and experience to better use, and receive a better salary and benefits package (its all about the benefits!)  BUT WAIT, aren't these qualities true for any potential candidate? Why wouldn't you want someone more educated, experienced, ambitious with the potential to excel? To hire against these qualities purposely would suggest that the people in the HR department/management are idiotic and incapable of effectively running a company. It is a backward way of thinking that is helping to keep young educated people without a job, or underemployed and feeling desolate.

[PAUSE, RE-READ PREVIOUS STATEMENTS FOR CONNECTIVITY] scratch that first sentence.....I have yet to be achieve a state humility. How can I? I'm trying. I grin and bare it, act as professionally as I can. Give 1000 where 100 is requested, but its so damn hard. I was taught, and have experienced that if you work hard, earn the respect of your supervisors you move forward, you're rewarded with more responsibility, status on the job and more money....and a better benefits package ( did i mention how important benefits are?) Now, currently for all my years of hard work I HAVE TO START ALL OVER. More ass kissing, more sucking up, more happy hours that are boring and uncomfortable as hell, more proving your value for a job that pays 65% less than what I used to make (yeah, i did the math, I guess it did come in handy Mr. McIntosh)

Someone suggested to me that I should delete certain parts of my resume to make it more "marketable" and for a minute I considered it.... because I am 65% more in debt...lol....then I thought, shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't I somehow try to find a way to make me sound more experienced and filled with more potential than I really am??? See? BACKWARD ASS THINKING!!! 

So no, I am not humbled...I'm grinning and baring it.

Blue day...week

Sometimes you just have a bad day and it creates a bad week, I just had one of those. Blog is ready to be posted, but what i wrote about is not how I feel at the moment. its just been one sucky, sucky, sucky day. I'll try again tomorrow....maybe sneaking off to see the new Avengers movie will out me in better spirits...arrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....so pissed!!!

12 year old lovers

I had my first kiss at age 12, and it was truly forgettable. Not because the guy was a bad kisser, but because I didn't know what the hell I was supposed to be doing; where my hands were supposed to be, what my lips and tongue should be doing and how long should it last. In my opinion it was a sloppy kiss....no offense to the guy. As funny as it may sound, I should have done a little bit more research on the topic before engaging in this particular activity.

 I feel the same way about dating and marriage and./or shacking-up. Looking back, I think the only thing I would change about my life, my very young life, is being too serious about guys and relationships. I had my first boyfriend at age 12 and needless to say that went no where...I WAS TWELVE!!!!! I professed my love, made googly eyes, did all sorts of childish things and then 9 months later broke up with him because I thought I liked someone else more. Of course, 2 weeks after that break up my eyes had led me to someone else, then someone else, then someone else, then at the age of 14 I met someone else with whom I had a "long distance relationship" for 2 years... he lived 45 minutes away from me. When this relationship ended, I moved to New York, and at age 17 I met guy that I would have a NINE year relationship with...Don't ask....SMH.

I WAS WAY TOO YOUNG TO BE SO SERIOUS. Oh how do I see the error in my ways. I have learned more now in the past few years being single about men and relationships that I did being in one. At the age of 12, what the hell did I know about being in relationship. I liked a guy and I kissed him, and then I saw another guy and kissed him too. Why was there such an obligation to commit at such a young age to one guy, who knew just as much as I did, and probably less about relationships. Why do we feel obligated to a guy we know we're not going to marry? He had no claim on me....again I was 12. I had no mental or emotional capacity to deal with the makings of an adult relationship and mature situations. This is how people's feelings get hurt and we get emotionally scarred, because we mishandle a situation that we are not equipped to deal with. My 12 year old boyfriend used to tell me that I "left his mouth salt"...bad taste for women. I thought that he was taking it a bit too far, cause he seems just fine now. But I understand today what he was trying to say; I could have handled it better. Perhaps, but at such a young age, you're a bit selfish and narrow-minded and your emotions are running wild. Typical 12 year old behavior. I saw a guy I liked and went for it (by that I mean I cheered for him at Inter-col and called him on the phone)

At that age I should have been learning how to socialize, building my relationships with my girlfriends, going to the movies, learning how to play a sport not sucking face...horribly...with a guy that I can barely call a close, personal friend today.

Recently, I heard a YOUNG girl say that she doesn't like dating, that's not how she was raised. That's a load of BS...I bet her mother didn't raise her to be a fool either. You don't have to sleep with them; I am not encouraging you to be promiscuous, what I am doing is suggesting that we slow down a bit and enjoy dating. The most fun I have ever had with guys wasn't until recently. I know now that a date doesn't have to necessarily lead to something and because we like each other doesn't mean we have to be together, and just dating means just dating. I am more equipped right now to choose a mate (but not ready) than I was a few years back...even though I was in a serious relationship.

If I could do it over I wouldn't have a serious boyfriend until I was in my late 20s..yup...that late. I think I needed the experience of DATING different guys to figure out whats best for me and what I want in my life. That's the purpose of dating..and enjoying a young man's company.

What do you think? At what age is it OK to start "going steady" with someone? Is it about age or emotional maturity? Should you date a few guys AT THE SAME TIME before you decide to commit to one and eventually marry that person? Why is not OK for young women to be "serial daters"? How are we supposed to select the best mate if we don't experience a few knuckleheads first? This is probably the reason why women are so bad at choosing the right mate, we settle too quickly and don't experience a few good men before making that binding decision. Sound off....

All up in my Kool-Aid

What is it that constitutes a good friendship? the bond? Being able to be there for one another with no strings attached? Or is it how much secrets you know about each other? Since I started this blog and my women's group, I'm Loving Me on FaceBook. I would say that there is a few small details about my life that the general public and some of my friends were made aware of that they didn't know before, but that doesn't mean we're tight; I still don't know you, you still don't know me.

Someone close to me recently said that she and her best friend don't feel the need to divulge every bit of information about themselves and she doesn't ask about her friend's relationships...at all...ever. Weird right? Is it weird that you would consider someone your BFF and not feel the need to know how their love life is going?  Or have them even ask you how things are going?  I do not believe that you should share everything with a person in order to have a solid relationship, but sharing should be important. But if course, there are the people...FRIENDS that cross the line.

Ever had a friend who would get upset if you didn't tell her something that is clearly none of her business? Or go around making inquires about you because you she just can't let shit go? Or worse, the friend that heard the rumor but comes to you acting like she doesn't know whats going on, but tries to bait you and get answer to questions that you didn't realise were being asked? Yeah....those aren't friends. Those people are reporters. They come around for the juicy tidbits about your life, become overly concerned about how you're going to handle the situation and then disappear when shit hits the fan. Then they come back later sniffing around when there's more information to be gathered. Everyone likes a juicy story, that's why we have a Facebook account, we watch the entertainment stories and buy the $3 tabloid magazines; our ears perk up when there's dirt to be heard. But some take it to too far.

One of my closest friends recently let me into some very private information about her life, and all I could think about was damn, howcome no one ever saw this coming? You know why? She kept her mouth shut. As close as we are, she felt the need to protect herself from the gossip mongers and deal with her issues in private. For someone else, they might have felt offended that such juicy information wasn't shared earlier and that they were purposefully kept out of the loop. Well, if you feel that way, you're probably right. No one likes a Budinsky or a Busy Body.

The people that start or encourage rumors have serious issues, all of which can be diagnosed using the DSM IV TR (the handbook that professionals use to diagnose the mentally ill). When you spread information to the detriment of others but to your benefit it constitutes a situation that needs to a addressed my a mental health professional. If your sole daily purpose is to "maco" people, and investigate situations that doesn't and shouldn't concern you, I would suggest that you move to California, purchase a camera and establish yourself professionally.

To conclude, the people that know me well, will tell you I never have juicy information, I never know whats going on in the deeply personal lives of others, unless you tell me directly. I just don't pay attention. The thing that binds me to my girlfriends is not the many secrets that we share, but the fact that they all know that I have their backs, and they have mine. A good friendship is made when I know that I can trust you and vice versa, I don't need you know my entire life story. That is just too damn close.

I got a J.O.B.....company shrink!

Thank you God!!! Its a part time position over an hour away and the pay sucks (I made more my first year out of college), but I'm relieved that now I can have a little something to help take care of my family and possibly see a movie once in a while (not too often though, a movie ticket is $13.50!!!)  I had orientation and started training last week, it was all sooo much fun. The highlight of the week was two employees who couldn't wait to dish to me on EVERYBODY in the building and vent their angst. The first was the Older Lady who's been there forever, lets call her Ms. A. SHE HAS ISSUES. Before I could even put my pocket book down and hang up my jacket she laid it out for me; about the owners, Administrators, supervisors, and then proceeded to tell me about everybody in the building who LOVES her and who she cannot work with, who's "chicken shit", lazy and who as issues with her. It was like she has been waiting for me all her life to tell me every little sordid detail about the different employees. Between each little anecdote she stopped briefly to inform me about what is expected of me ( in her eyes nothing, because we get paid so little) and how to complete certain forms. Later she fell asleep at her chair, body slumped, head to the side, mouth gaping wide. She woke up briefly to tell me that she is allowed (Seriously???) and that no one really minds cause she's a HARD WORKER. HAHAHAHA Even I know that is a load of crap. The funny thing is, later that day I ran into two people that told me to stay clear of her and not get caught up in her drama, it is interesting to note that these were the two people that she told me has issues with her.....I LOVE IT!!! THEN...after my day with her she says to me very seriously, if the supervisor asks you how I did, please tell her I did a good job, I don't want anything negative to be said about me. I simply responded that I'll tell her what happened. I didn't have to, the next day the supervisor apologised to me for leaving me with Ms. A as she knows she can a bit "overwhelming". No shit!

The next day, I worked with a different assistant, and was given completely different information about my job duties, which I expected, Ms. A doesn't have a clue about assisting or how to maneuver herself in a workplace, except of course to order the free meals for employees and to take advantage of every perk the company offers...those she was absolutely correct about. At least she stays awake for something. Then it got me thinking, I really hope this is how she does her job, because, it wouldn't be hard to show her up and get attention for my HARD work, and get more hours. ANYTHING would be an improvement on what she does.

A couple days later, without even asking, I got the dutty, dutty, dutty low down about the intimate relationships of the different workers from the security guard. Apparently, my coworkers like to keep it in the family. My 8 hour day turned into an eight hour counseling session, as it turned out the poor fella has women issues. Then of course, because I'm fresh meat, he subtly tried to make a move in my direction. I quickly informed him that I was married (not true) with a son. However, that didn't work because he likes a challenge; my security guard bought me lunch. If I had know that all I had to do was tell a guy I was married to get a free meal I would have used that a long time ago.

My first week was very interesting, I hope it gets less interesting as I really don't want to hear about who's sleeping with who (well maybe a little bit), abnd who's chicken shit. If it doesn't at least I'll be putting my psych degree and counselling skills to use so it won't be a total waste.

Love is blind...deaf and dumb.

I LOVE talking to guys and girls about relationships; sex, cheating, expectations etc. I think it is so hilarious the different things people (men and women) do in relationships in the name of love. Girls talk up a guy with less education or money than we would like, guys hint at their woman's sexual prowess or cooking skills, all the while knowing that our counterparts are mediocre at best. What really stuns me though is the reasoning, the excuses WE women make when the men in our lives fall short of our expectations. Time and time again we see whats happening and all we say is, "its OK, it doesn't matter because I know he loves me" or "it will get better once ______ " or "I can't leave him, he helps me out so much". I have made one (or two) of those statements and as soon as I said them I was a bit shocked that those words actually came out of my mouth. I also see family and friends making some of those statements or similar excuses to justify keeping a shitty boyfriend around. I agree that it does take some time for someone to fully accept that a relationship has become defunct and make the decision to leave. I am fully aware of that process.

I believe that if we stop making these frail excuses and listen to ourselves, listen to what the guy is saying that we would cease putting ourselves through these needlessly excruciating decision making processes of leaving the guy and do whats best for us. If you've been dating a guy for less than a year and he asks you for a break or space or some other corny ass synonym, LISTEN to him. He is not asking you to call everyday to make sure he's still interested or text him twice a day to make sure his mother is OK. He doesn't want to talk to you anymore or see you for a significant amount of time. So leave him be. Give him his space. If after a year the guy you're madly in love with can't figure out if you're long term material, then he's not long term material. Take your toothbrush and your headscarf and leave his apartment. Then call your girlfriends and have a little night out. If he calls, set him straight; your time is precious, you don't need to spend it on guys who don't know their elbows from their knees.

One thing I know for sure is that YOU CAN'T CHANGE A GUY. I have tried and failed miserably. But you know what I can change? ME. I can change my behavior. I can change how I respond to his fly by night excuses, his "hold dat" responses. I recently told a friend that my ex used to like to give me things to hold on to. I'd ask him a question, he'd give me an incomplete answer filled with promises and hope for me to HOLD ONTO, but had no substance. Its like he owes me $100 but gives me $20 to hold on to and next month I'll get $20 more...if I'm lucky. In that scenario, I was always waiting. Which is what I see other women doing, always waiting for the man to make good on his promises. WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR? Just leave already. What are we really getting out of a relationship like that? Worry lines and indigestion. I don't need more worry lines, I have enough coming to me with more important ish.

A guy friend of a friend of mine is in a "long term" relationship with another young woman,who lives in ANOTHER COUNTRY going on FIVE YEARS. Me, always the cynic says, you know he cheating on her. Of course he was, admittedly so, and his reasoning was that he told her to do her "thang" before she left the country. I don't know if the girlfriend is really doing her "thang", but why would you want that setup? I'm a young woman, always up for some fun (when I have a babysitter), why the hell would I be in a long term overseas relationship with a fella that told me to do my "thang"? Unless you don't mind your love doing his "thang" with the entire state of New York and having all the women on his block stare at you when you visit, then good for you. Good for you if you're getting yours too. But most women aren't like that, we find a decent guy and the dating ends. Its all about him.

Being in love with someone is no excuse for acting like you don't have any common sense. My yardstick of reasoning when it comes to relationship has always been, if this was my girlfriend what would I advise her to do? If you can answer that question honestly then you're halfway there, you know what needs to be done. How can you justify remaining in a relationship where you're constantly wanting for more attention, more affection, more respect, more conversation, more substance?



Don't get caught out there with a "Hold dat" guy. Tell him to kiss your ass.......and let him hold dat.

I wear hoodies, am I suspiscious?

Most days I have one specific topic that I want to talk about and I hone in on that topic and allow my thoughts to flow effortlessly. Today, is not one of those days; I have a few ideas jumping around, all wanting to be laid out first, none more restless than the Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman shooting incident. I don't have anything new to say that hasn't already been said or written by the media and the community, but like everyone else I can't get over the mind numbing incident.

I feel as disgusted, shocked, horrified, stunned, stupefied as anyone else. And this week, as new information surfaces about Trayvon's background, specifically his suspension from school for being in the possession of an empty "baggie" (a tiny bag used to hold marijuana), the people on Zimmerman's defense are using that to cast a shadow on his character. They are also stating that there was a struggle and Trayvon was trying to take the gun away from Zimmerman all to lead the Grand Jury to believe that Trayvon may have played a part in getting himself shot and that Zimmerman is not to blame.

Zimmerman has his lawyer friend, Joe Oliver, who seems to be African American giving interviews and stating that Zimmerman is not racist, which is evident as his chosen mouthpiece is African American (WTF?!?), and that he himself is a minority. In our group, I'm Loving Me on Sunday night, a few of the ladies reminded us that racism is not only White on Black hate; other minorities are just as guilty of being racist to other groups and ofentimes their own.

What this incident has clearly brought the to the surface and make everyone take notice is that FEAR BREEDS VIOLENCE. Mr Zimmerman saw a young black man, over 6ft tall wearing a hoodie at night and everything in his being told him that this young man was a threat to him. What I want to know is what incident in Zimmerman's life led him to believe that black men in hoodies pose a threat? Pretty soon selling or buying hoodies might be taboo. If you wear a hoodie you must be "gangsta" or "ghetto", and we all know people from the ghetto are always up to no good. And if you wear one, you better look out, cause you might get shot. This type of logic is
 "ASS BACKWARDS".   Did you hear that Geraldo??  

PEOPLE make threats, not hoodies

You misunderstand me, let me explain.

I HATE IT when people say "Lynn you sound white" or "There you go acting white again" or "Stop that, you sound white". Not only is it annoying, its narrow minded, its a bit racist and stereotypical, and just plain ignorant. I get that from family members, close friends, and people that claim to know me. I gladly admit to not using EBONICS. Why would I when I say one thing ten different ways using ENGLISH! AND EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS!

I know how to string a sentence together without using Ebonics and apparently I'm white for doing that? How moronic? My superb use of the English language should be seen as evidence of my above average education and my robust knowledge of the English language not as a marker for race or background. To confuse the two would suggest that you require further education yourself. Black or White, excellent use of the English language should be something that we are to be proud of and not something for which we are to be ridiculed. One of my favorite authors is Jane Austen, not because of the content or the subject of her books, but her writings are so eloquent. The women in the novels can dismantle you using just their words and you'd never know it. Words are one of our greatest asset, not something that is relegated to just one race or class of people.

Because my skin is brown, this shouldn't automatically lead you to believe that Ebonics and me are friendly. Why is it difficult for some to reconcile brown girl with eloquent speech? One would think that a brown skinned girl, as myself with great use of the language should illicit some sort of pride, but instead some are a bit put off. "I'm not down" "I'm not hood". THANK GOD! Hood is not something I aspire to. When I lay awake at night I think of how I can earn money so that I can live a comfortable life, not in any manner does hood come into play.

I am also told that I am soft, because I smile too much, or can't cuss, or cant take a cuss. All these things are true, I deny nothing. I smile a lot, I try not to sometimes, but I cant help it. I have nothing to be upset about (except my lack of income). When I'm walking down the street,m people just start smiling at me; I assume it because they believe I'm smiling at them. In reality, I don't even know why I'm smiling, It just happens. I cant cuss, when I try it sounds like a nun trying to be vulgar; just doesn't sound right. I detest confrontation, so if you're cussing me, I'm going to listen and when you're done I'll walk away. I'll consider that our goodbye. I like to be positive, optimistic. My sister says I need to toughen up, and speak up. I speak up plenty. I, however, believe that when people are being abrasive they pull you in with them and that changes you; it sullies you a bit. If that makes me "white" or "soft" then so be.

I like me. I have never wanted to be anything other than me. I am secure in me and I know that whoever I am may not fit into an ideal box, but I am so happy for that. Pleasing people is not one of my talents. I have always done things differently. I walk differently, I dance differently, I cook differently, I clean differently, I see things differently and my family have always said that I was awkward. I have come to realise that I am not awkward at all, far from it. I just see a different route or plan and people take notice. Its not awkward, its just a difference, and I like different.

Embrace your differences, love your soft, white sides, and speak well...let them take notice.

Don't know about you, but I'm Loving Me!

Confident Woman

How many of you still get butterflies in your tummy when that special guy walks by? I haven't had that feeling in YEARS! But last week, I met a guy, JM, that made me weak in the knees, slowed down my thought process and reverted me to my High School days. He talked about himself, asked me questions, looked directly into my eyes, smiled, accidentally on purpose touched my hands, and I reciprocated for over an hour. I left feeling like an ass, cause I was really feeling this guy, and I should have asked him out. I saw JM again yesterday for just a bit and after I left I paced Pitkin ave, back and forth for ten minutes wondering if I should go up to him and hand him my number ( he was at work, so I was very hesitant) I decided to call him instead. I asked him out for lunch, he hesitated, I gave him an out, but he said no, he wants to go out, but he has to get back to me ( he needs to check his work schedule for the week ?!?) Was that a subtle brush off? REJECTION??

This was exactly what I did not want happen....I DO NOT LIKE REJECTION!! I do have to say though, once I asked JM out, I felt better. My ego suffered a bit, but I was content that I made the move and wasn't outside his office acting like a bumbling idiot.

 Guys have been asking me out since I had breasts and I never once thought about how they might feel before they ask or after....today I say...KUDOS! It takes a lot to go up to someone with great looks, sexy smile and a nice ass. Yet guys do it everyday, and women expect it; its a social norm. Some guys prefer it this way, they can remain in control and feel like the guy. But there are some more progressive men that don't mind a confident woman approaching them (note: confident, not pushy or abrasive), it takes the guesswork out of the mating game, and lets the man know that we are confident with who we are and don't mind taking the lead once in while.

A girlfriend told me she asked a guy out once, he said no, and she will never ask out a guy again because the sting of rejection was so much she doesn't want to go through that again. I can definitely understand that, but after I have had a day or so to mull things over, I feel differently. JM probably gave me the brush off because he has a girlfriend, or he just wasn't interested as mush I thought he was. Either way those are things that I have no control over. If a guy isn't immediately attracted to you, the only way to develop feelings for someone is to spend time with that person, and we haven't had that opportunity. So I can't take it personally if he doesn't yet know the awesome-ness that is Lynn. Because I am totally awesome. Granted I don't have a job, and I'm broke, but you wouldn't find a better, cooler chick than me. I was quickly reminded about this FACT after walking two blocks catching the eye of another young man...I AM HOT!

                                     
                                              GUYS BEWARE.....I'M ON THE PROWL!

Independent Women

When Betty Friedan wrote the Feminine Mystique in the 1960s it sparked the second wave of the feminist movement, the Women's Liberation, and highlighted the feelings, struggles and yearnings that so many women of that time felt. In the 1950s and 1960s, it was the right thing to do for women to obtain an education, maybe work for a couple of years to meet a respectable husband, get married, make a home, have dinner parties for your husband's colleagues and have a family. That was it. That was all you got to accomplish. The decor of your home, your husband's starched shirts and well mannered children were were all signs of a good wife. Even if some women earned degrees at top women's universities like Vasser and Sarah Lawrence (both now co-ed), their skills were better put to use making a happy home for their families. Then, Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem came along and said marriage is not the end of the road, there is life after the wedding day, and that women can do more. Women now have legalized abortion, better job opportunities and better pay. We are now seen as equals in every part of society.....

....EXCEPT AT HOME. Granted more and more men are helping out with the household duties when asked, or if we're out of town for a night or two, but why is it that our husbands/partners never wash the dishes without being asked, or do the laundry, go grocery shopping, or TAKE A DAY OFF WORK WHEN THE BABY IS SICK. When you really look at it, it is  the woman's professional life that is being sacrificed frequently. She is the one that puts in the same hours as her husband, then comes home to make dinner, help out with homework and put the kids to sleep, clean up the kitchen, put away the laundry, give her husband a nice "back rub" and then wake up at 5:30 AM to get the kids up, make them breakfast and lunches and then get to work TIRED and still have to find the energy to stand her ground at work. God forbids if the teacher calls during the day to say that the little one is sick or got suspended, then mom has to LEAVE work to take care of that as well. What has aways bugged me is that when fathers stay home with their kids, it is not parenting, its "babysitting".  DADS....YOU CANNOT BABYSIT your own kids!!

I fee like sometimes, we are paying for wanting to be equal. Equal rights, does not mean we have to do it all, it means WE ARE YOUR EQUALS! We share everything EQUALLY. Some men may be idiotic to think , well if you want equal rights, then you should pay for your own meal when we go out, or you should pick me up. Its called dating; you woo me and I in return allow you to spend some time with me and maybe after the date I'll allow your lips to touch mine. My sister, an accountant for Ernest and Young, told me recently that she cannot remember the last time a guy picked her up to go on a date or took her somewhere nice to dine. I was shocked. My sister has it together, car, job, money, NO BABY DADDY and she's under 30,  SOME GUYS see all these accomplishments and they think that she should be the one wearing the pants. Why can't she find a guy that's MAN ENOUGH to want to be with someone like her, not take advantage of her standing and still treat her like a woman?

I like the feminist ideals, because it makes my life easier and more productive. I am more accomplished because of feminism, but did we shout I AM WOMAN too loudly or are some men producing less testosterone??

If you shout I don't need you loud enough and often enough pretty soon everyone is going go hear you and walk away. Is that what we have done? How can women still carve out a professional life for themselves and still get equal treatment from the men with whom we have personal relationships? How can we get our husbands/partners to realise that our jobs are just as important as theirs? How can we teach them to appreciate all that an accomplished woman has to offer without being intimidated?

We already went to jail, stood in the cold in protest and burned our bras, what's next?

The best of me...so far

This past week, both my son and I were sick, and as a result, blogging was not at the top of my to-do-list, sleep was...I didn't get any!! I was about to put off writing this post to get an early rest, but I just couldn't fall asleep. I began to think of the silly, dumb ass things I've done, like jumping into a 9 foot pool at a friend's house knowing fully well that I can't swim (in my defense I thought I could "dive") and climbing a fence while slightly intoxicated, and would I, if I could, go back in time to change anything.

I was a bit of a wall flower growing up, sometimes I still can be; you will never catch me leading the dancing at a party and I am not the person who will start a conversation with a complete stranger on the train. However, growing up I had a great group of friends that made it very easy for me to be myself, and easy to let loose a bit and enjoy life, but would I relive my life?

These are just a few of the incidents that crossed my mind:

The first dumb ass move I remember making, which was by accident, no friends involved here, was in Mr. Best's chemistry class in high school where I neutralized the school's ENTIRE supply of acid. After a class practical assignement, we were instructed to return the liquids (acids and bases) to their respective containers and I not paying attention emptied my "base" jar into the class "acid" jar, and emptied my "acid" jar into the class "base" jar to a resounding "Lynnnnnnn noooooooo" from a few girls seated at the front of the class. After that, I was still certain that I was right, but after Mr. Best tested the supply, he could only look at me and shake his head. I couldn't even apologise I was so embarrassed. I later on gained the nickname "neut", as in neutraliser, for a few days. Lesson learned? Don't daydream about your boyfriend in chem cass, you might miss something important.

Then there was the pool incident, which I mentioned. I recovered just fine after a friend dove in to fetch me...after I was above water I puppy swam my way out..not pretty...all because I wanted to show off my new plaid bikini. Lesson? To show of paid bikini all I had to do was strut around the pool, no drowning necessary.

Next up...getting drunk with my college roomate and a  few friends, climbing a fence, getting on the swing and falling off said swing backwards, and then laying there to look at the stars. Lesson learned? I can only handle ONE beer a night.

Then...going to a club with my roomate where there was no dress code in hoodies and tims...Lesson? I dont need to be dolled up to have a good time.

My sister, my girlfriend, and I dressing up like TLC for halloween in GRENADA...then taking a stroll through the neighborhood. (FYI, Grenada does not celebrate halloween).....then later that year,  my sister and I dressing up like Kriss Kross just because it was Sunday...and taking a stroll through the neighborhood....no lesson here, just good times.

The summer I twisted BOTH my ankles a DAY apart...I was a very clumsy child. lesson? stop day dreaming about your boyfriend while walking in traffic.

Oh yes, the night I wrapped myself in SARAN WRAP to go on a date with this HOTTTTT guy....everything was sweaty, and by the end of the night the wrap had bunched up and had formed this big plastic bulge under my dress. Looking back the guy wasn't worth wasting my mother's saran wrap. Lesson? Wear tummy control tights, not saran wrap on a date.

A few months back, a friend and I pretended to be celebrating out third wedding anniversary at a restaurant, hoping that we would get a discount, or a free dessert or something. We ooooh-ed, aaaaaah-ed, made googly eyes, held hands...and then GOT NOTHING....except "awwww congratulations" then of course the waitress asked us how we met and got all in our business. By this time I was past the ONE BEER limit (see drunken swing incident) and I was a happy fool...the shit that came out of my mouth was priceless. Lesson? If you're going to lie, lie sober....and find out if the restaurant offers discounts for anniversaries BEFORE the lying ensues.

And lastly, at work one day...I had a Michael Jackson moment (may he R.I.P). In the middle of the office, all done up cause I had a meeting, I decided to run to my desk to obtain a file I forgot and....yup....I fell FLAT, face down on the floor....and NO ONE HELPED, I looked up and all I saw was little heads popping out of their cubicles looking for "whatever made that sound". Lesson? NEVER run in heels on a carpeted floor....NEVER!

These moments may seem quite tame in comparison to some others, but everytime I look back it makes me think, would I ever go back to change anything, and the answer is always no. I had fun growing up, high school was fun, college was better, and after college...well its still after college and I'm still having fun (much less after Malachi). I did what I was suppossed to do, no need to change anything. House parties....clubs....drinking....smoking (flavored cigs and a bit of sensi)...road trips...spur of the moment trips to Boston, FLA...I HAD FUN. Can't wait for Malachi to turn 18....5 down 13 to go!