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Last month I visited my friend Kelli and her family in Orlando, Fla for some me time. And I got a lot. Silly me, I was thinking Orlando would be comparable to Miami in terms of the party life. I was sadly mistaken. There were fun things to do like visit the Orlando Studios, home of Harry Potter and Downtown Disney, home of...well everything Disney. We did have fun though especially when we took in some live reggae music at a night club/restaurant/bar called Bob Marley's, where I fell in love for ten minutes when I saw a gorgeous young man. If you know me at all, you'd know that by then end of the night I was already thinking about something else. My love never lingers for long. It was a fun trip, Kelli and her family did their best to make me feel welcome and got to meet her two rambunctious kids.
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| Loving me at Downtown Disney |
One thing that will FOREVER stick with me is the fact that Kelli's husband, a modern, hip young man by all definitions, had such gentlemanly ways. He never let us carry our bags or open our doors, and was so darn patient. I was dumbfounded. It was so nice to be treated like a lady and have someone patiently wait on you while you're getting dressed and not say "hurry up" or "I'm leaving in 5 minutes with or without you" I know what you must be saying... Who have you been dating? or Where the hell do you live? I live in Brooklyn, NY, one of the hardest places to find a suitable mate for any sex. I asked my friend, Kelli about it and she told me that her husband has always been like this, and that's just who he is. Kelli went on to say that its a southern thing, and it got me thinking.....I have been out with a few men, two of them with deep southern roots. One of them, my friend Al, has ALWAYS open my doors, made sure I was on the "inside" when walking in public and he NEVER splits the bill even when I suggested that we hang out. But I never noticed that until I went to Orlando and came back to NY. I was so used to the un-gentleman Brooklyn ways, I remember asking myself once when Al came to pick me up and rung my door bell, my stupid behind said (to myself) why is he ringing my bell, he should should call the phone. SMH...this is what happens when you're used to horrible treatment; you expect it because its what you're used to.
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| Me and girl, Kelli at Bob Marley's |
The character, Mya in Think Like A Man, the motion picture had it right. We, women should be expecting, and waiting for our potential suitors, to open our doors and carry our bags and do the gentlemanly thing whenever possible. Its not that we think we're "too special" but as a man, that's just what you do. You take care of a woman, and show her you think that she's worthy by doing these little things for her. Some women might get left on the curbside once or twice but it would definitely weed out the undesirables.
I know SOME men might say that not all women are deserving of this type of treatment, but you're wrong. We all are, we may not act like it, but ALL woman want some thought and effort put into an outing, and we all want to be treated like we're an Ethiopian Empress. Treat a "hard" woman right, and she'll soften up, if she doesn't then you may want to exit that relationship.
From now on....I'm looking for men who grew up in the Carolinas, Virginia, Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, Alabama.
Lynn this so true...
ReplyDeleteI remember a few years ago I was going out on a date and he walked around to my side I was like "Where you going, you want ME to drive", I'm embarrassed to this day when I think about it. That treatment is "not normal" to us NYC-ites.
I've been working in the south in the past and have been overwhelmed by being treated this way. 1-I have my own pair of balls and I'm force to use it to be respected at work and 2-I've only been with these West Indian men who have no broughtupcy.. Then again, I am uncomfortable with a guy opening all my doors and carrying all my bags (if he opens the first door I have to open the second). However I love to see them do it for other people and think to myself "That is love"- I want that!.
WE also have been in relationships where that treatment would have been nice but it was never a big deal that we don’t get it.. Then again if we do in NY, dude may say we watch TV. So I thin we have to start making this a requirement.
Hehe...Well my husband is not perfect..But that IS one of his best qualities. His Momma did good. A man is a man...but a southern man....woohhooo. He cooks, he cleans..he is an amazing Dad...He might be a better single parent than me! Got to be honest. If we have groceries..he will literally try to carry all himself up the 3 flights of stairs or would rather just go back for the rest himself...I am completely spoiled. I don't even put gas in my car. I bring it home with the light on and I say..Baby!!! The car needs gas plleeaassseee. :) I guess I am lucky!
ReplyDeleteWell thank you for the shoutout, Lynn!
ReplyDeleteI guess I did learn a few things going to college in NC lol. The way I see it, a woman is automatically a lady until she proves otherwise, and deserves to be treated as such.
Of course, I wouldn't be me without a dissenting opinion, though lol. I notice a lot of women talk about chivalry - which is actually the rules and customs of medieval knighthood, so I think they should start using the word "etiquette" instead - and how they want to be courted, but how many women actually know their role in the courtship process? Do you pass "The Door Test" every time, do you pour his drink after a long day, etc? These are trivial examples, but they're examples everyone has heard of. What's your score on the etiquette scale?
I think this posting reflect the nature vs nurture debate. Sometimes we become more brusque is over urban settings and forget the simply niceties of more relaxed suburban settings. I think the "Southern Hospitality" thought is sometimes overrated as there are also some "nice" nasty people from all over, but its true that the "manners" part is so ingrained that it became second nature.
ReplyDeleteLol I agree with Roxxie's comment that in male dominated, competitive professions you also sometimes forego it as you are more inclined to show you on equal footing with your male counterparts, but its impressive when the same male who would toss you a pc and some tools because you can handle your own also knows how to display chivalry in a more intimate setting.
I agree with Al too though that its a 2 way street. If you expect chivalry, etiquette or whatever choice of words you also should display that you deserve it and not just always in Bad B* mode.
@Kelli ... lol you ARE too spoiled. So you'd drive home on fumes?
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