Why is it so difficult to get your girlfriends to support you?? For years I would have these amazing ideas (I thought) and only a few girls would actually give constructive criticism or actually say something positive. They have been the same women throughout the years, and I find it so mind boggling that women can be such haters to other women. I love hanging out with my girls talking shit or having intelligent conversations, or laughing at silly things at the expense of others, but growing up I have felt different in the presence in some girls. Some seemed so conniving, deceitful, and just so petty. A FRIEND once set me up on a phone conversation with her current boyfriend to see how far I would go. Since I thought she was a friend, he was quickly shot down, and I told her what happened. She then told me she set up the whole thing, needless to say we are no longer friends. Its crap like that has made me want to hang out more with the guys, but they have their own issues.... and that's for another post.
I am currently brainstorming a project with a close friend of mine and besides her and another close friend, everyone I have told have had the same thing to say to me "oui papa, you ain't play doing big tings nah" and that was it. No show of interest in the project, no asking how am I gonna get this done, how far I have gotten. I mean, am I too sensitive or or did those women just told me in their own little Grenadian way that I'm getting too big for my britches? Their attitude is not going to sway me. I'm not 13 anymore, but it would be nice to say this person has been there for me and is a true friend.
It saddens me a bit that I have to cut people off or walk away from a friendship because someone hasn't grown up as yet. As I'm maturing, I am embracing everything woman. I'm enjoying talking to other women, being in their company, sharing experiences about children, men, sex, fashion or just gossiping...I'm just loving being a woman ....I'm Loving Me. And I appreciate all the women in my life. But I understand that some just can't let their guard down and be happy for others. Its ok though, I just bought a new pair of shades to block out all that haterade.
Chime in, what has been your experience with fellow women?
Again Lynn you bring to the front another topic that many of us have experienced and either hesitated to address etc. The term "hater" I try to stay away from. It’s become overused and strikes me as a bit base, but unfortunately it can often be aptly applied. Over the most recent years I have learned the hard way not to expect or look for support whether in initiatives or otherwise from those most logically expected to give it. I've also found remarkable support, camaraderie and unbiased friendships in unexpected places.
ReplyDeleteOnce realized it’s made a big difference in many things. I have been able to be positive, even blissfully ignorant of ill-will even while in the midst of the unneeded negativity, and even had the opportunities to see the many killjoy's coming around only AFTER you done exactly what they said you couldn't and shouldn't with a modified story. Then they are openly willing to support and talk about the past and oh what they knew then and how they could have helped but didn't... Thanks for getting it off your chest, but the knowledge is kinda superficial to me at that point.
A key example for me, and a mantra along with my newer I really don’t give a … what you think attitude, is a re-evaluation of where I was when I was 9 months pregnant with twins and dealing with a lot of emotional, physical, logistical, financial and other issues, who was really there and place that against other initiative that I may now undertake when I am physically (I’m raising a wiggling combination of about 45 lbs every day), mentally, emotional and even financially in a better place. If I could have survived then, help yeah I’ll survive – scratch that – succeed now.
I have learned to be more wary of people who go out of their way to seek me out, express support, make unrequested promises etc ... the ulterior motives abound. I didn't request it, I don't need it and I while it may benefit in the short term, my interest in in the long term...I've learned to say "thanks but no thanks."
I love teaching, learning and helping others - genuinely. If its happened to me I would guide you to prevent it from happening to you. Of course many "close haters" would view this as "oh this is happening to you, who are you to give me advice" etc. Fine view as you will, as I said the world is much bigger than the insular circles some determine should be the limits of their existence, and there are many other people who willingly engage in a honest reciprocal support of ideas etc.
Good luck on your projects and continue being too big for your britches. You can always just get new britches and willingly donate the old ones.
I so agree with you everyone man or women is not meant to be a friend. Don't let them change you or anything you want to do.
ReplyDeleteExactly ladies, once I learned that a bad a friend doesn't make me or break and that it was ok to not have this person in my life I felt so much more at ease. Not everyone that smiles at you is a friend...my mother's famous words.
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