This was exactly what I did not want happen....I DO NOT LIKE REJECTION!! I do have to say though, once I asked JM out, I felt better. My ego suffered a bit, but I was content that I made the move and wasn't outside his office acting like a bumbling idiot.
Guys have been asking me out since I had breasts and I never once thought about how they might feel before they ask or after....today I say...KUDOS! It takes a lot to go up to someone with great looks, sexy smile and a nice ass. Yet guys do it everyday, and women expect it; its a social norm. Some guys prefer it this way, they can remain in control and feel like the guy. But there are some more progressive men that don't mind a confident woman approaching them (note: confident, not pushy or abrasive), it takes the guesswork out of the mating game, and lets the man know that we are confident with who we are and don't mind taking the lead once in while.
A girlfriend told me she asked a guy out once, he said no, and she will never ask out a guy again because the sting of rejection was so much she doesn't want to go through that again. I can definitely understand that, but after I have had a day or so to mull things over, I feel differently. JM probably gave me the brush off because he has a girlfriend, or he just wasn't interested as mush I thought he was. Either way those are things that I have no control over. If a guy isn't immediately attracted to you, the only way to develop feelings for someone is to spend time with that person, and we haven't had that opportunity. So I can't take it personally if he doesn't yet know the awesome-ness that is Lynn. Because I am totally awesome. Granted I don't have a job, and I'm broke, but you wouldn't find a better, cooler chick than me. I was quickly reminded about this FACT after walking two blocks catching the eye of another young man...I AM HOT!
GUYS BEWARE.....I'M ON THE PROWL!
Lol Lynn...a serious post, but still kinda funny. I've learned that as much as some guys CLAIM they want a confident, independent woman - they subconsciously gravitate to the giggly shallow play hard to get type -- UNTIL they are in a position mentally and otherwise to settle down. So sometimes just approaching JM thinking you're making his life easier might scare him off lol.
ReplyDeleteI think I've mentioned before that I'm alternately impulsive/impatient and cautious, so I believe a little in carpe diem where it comes to things like that. I'll let you know I dig you, but if you don't bite its ok because I know not all males are confident enough themselves to deal with it. I have some good friends over the years who became friends becuase I took that impulse, but that the way it remained just friends.
Thanks for your thoughts Nathifa, as always, insightful. You're right, I may have scared him off, I dont think he expected that from me don't look like the aagressive type. He was defnitely shocked that I made a move. Oh well, I hope he recovers.
ReplyDeleteI have also found that some men claim to want an independent/confident woman, but what they really mean is someone that won't make them look stupid in public and still look to them for everything.
I can totally relate. But it is better to make that move than to sit wondering all the time, "what if". Yea your ego is bruised a little but as you said you get over it and on to the next one!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your thoughts Niobe.
ReplyDeleteYou seem very familiar, do I know you from somewhere?? LOL
Wow. The post itself, Lynn, was quite good. However, I am disturbed by one of the comments. So, if a lady who has her stuff together - relatively speaking - approaches a man and he's not interested, he's either not mature enough for a "real woman" or he's intimidated? I'm sorry, but as plausible as that is in some cases, as the general rule I reject that idea out of hand. It seems like a way of trying to relate to what men go through while still marginalizing them and holding onto a feeling of superiority.
ReplyDeleteLet's look at it from another angle: A man approaches a woman. They seem to have a good conversation and he seems to be a good catch, however, the woman doesn't feel a romantic connection or a "spark." She is cordial or polite, but lets him know she is not interested in pursuing anything further. Would the first reaction be "She can't handle a REAL man", or "She says she wants a relationship, but she's still in her 'Bad Boy' phase", or she's intimidated by him"? No. We usually think she's in a relationship, or she's just not interested for any reason that doesn't mean one person is superior to the other. Men reject women for the same reasons women reject men. Maybe they just weren't into that person, and to speculate why that is so, especially from a standpoint of superiority or trivial subjugation of one party or another, is wrong.
Great post, Lynn. However, I'm a little disturbed by one of the comments. So if a woman approaches a man and he's not interested, he's either intimidated, or not ready for a "Real woman" because he hasn't developed past a longing for the superficial? As much as I will agree that these are possibilities, I reject them as being the rule and subjugate them to the exceptions.
ReplyDeleteIf a "good man" - whatever that means - approaches a woman, has a good conversation with her, lets her know that he is interested in pursuing her romantically and she declines, do we automatically assume that she is still in her "Bad Boy" phase? Do we say "she can't handle a real man yet"? Do we assume that her self-confidence is so low that she was scared or being approached in the first place?
I admire the fact that women are trying to look at the dating game from a man's point of view (and I do not mean "game" in the trivial or inconsequential definition of the word), but I am a little insulted that there still seems to be an aura of superiority in the analysis, and that something MUST be wrong with him if he didn't want a specific woman.
Peace and Respect,
~Al
Al, I think you misunderstood the comment that the reader made. She said SOME MALES. We understand that this is not norm for guys and agree with you that though it might be this possibility for SOME GUYS there are some guys who are confident enough to maneuver in such a situation.
DeleteI also agree, that there are some women who don't know quite yet what they're looking for in men or in a relationship and may unknowingly let a good guy slip through her fingers. WE ARE ALL GUILTY OF THAT. Whatever the reasons, it seems that there are some men and women who need to mature, exerience life and develop their tastes before they realise what is a "good man" or a "good woman.