....EXCEPT AT HOME. Granted more and more men are helping out with the household duties when asked, or if we're out of town for a night or two, but why is it that our husbands/partners never wash the dishes without being asked, or do the laundry, go grocery shopping, or TAKE A DAY OFF WORK WHEN THE BABY IS SICK. When you really look at it, it is the woman's professional life that is being sacrificed frequently. She is the one that puts in the same hours as her husband, then comes home to make dinner, help out with homework and put the kids to sleep, clean up the kitchen, put away the laundry, give her husband a nice "back rub" and then wake up at 5:30 AM to get the kids up, make them breakfast and lunches and then get to work TIRED and still have to find the energy to stand her ground at work. God forbids if the teacher calls during the day to say that the little one is sick or got suspended, then mom has to LEAVE work to take care of that as well. What has aways bugged me is that when fathers stay home with their kids, it is not parenting, its "babysitting". DADS....YOU CANNOT BABYSIT your own kids!!
I fee like sometimes, we are paying for wanting to be equal. Equal rights, does not mean we have to do it all, it means WE ARE YOUR EQUALS! We share everything EQUALLY. Some men may be idiotic to think , well if you want equal rights, then you should pay for your own meal when we go out, or you should pick me up. Its called dating; you woo me and I in return allow you to spend some time with me and maybe after the date I'll allow your lips to touch mine. My sister, an accountant for Ernest and Young, told me recently that she cannot remember the last time a guy picked her up to go on a date or took her somewhere nice to dine. I was shocked. My sister has it together, car, job, money, NO BABY DADDY and she's under 30, SOME GUYS see all these accomplishments and they think that she should be the one wearing the pants. Why can't she find a guy that's MAN ENOUGH to want to be with someone like her, not take advantage of her standing and still treat her like a woman?
I like the feminist ideals, because it makes my life easier and more productive. I am more accomplished because of feminism, but did we shout I AM WOMAN too loudly or are some men producing less testosterone??
If you shout I don't need you loud enough and often enough pretty soon everyone is going go hear you and walk away. Is that what we have done? How can women still carve out a professional life for themselves and still get equal treatment from the men with whom we have personal relationships? How can we get our husbands/partners to realise that our jobs are just as important as theirs? How can we teach them to appreciate all that an accomplished woman has to offer without being intimidated?
We already went to jail, stood in the cold in protest and burned our bras, what's next?
Another powerful piece Lynn. One statement in particular I have used many times "(DADS)....YOU CANNOT BABYSIT your own kids!!" Also you see in corporate culture, although it is becoming more common for men to take "paternity" leave after the birth of a baby, the "congrats man you're a dad maybe you should get a raise, versus the oh boy she's a mother she'll miss work maybe she doesn't need too much responsibility" type of reasoning still exists.
ReplyDeleteAs with many other issues, I think its an area where although women have fought for progress and equally footing, women have also sabotaged our own progress by one "becoming like a man" to achieve the footing rather than carving out in our own ways, two "professing equality" while stereotypically adhering to man versus woman roles in the home and child care in particular, three "confusing brashness for equality" another piggyback off the being like men thinking where crude and rude seems to suggest liberation.
I think if who assert our equality with still a feminine touch it goes a longer way towards achieving it.
With the men "fearing" women who have it together syndrome I think there is a similar history issue. From a Caribbean background in particular, there is a strong history of strong women in charge that elicit a fearful respect from males. When young women demonstrate that strength together with a liberated independence some men don't know how to act. They try to overcompensate and then either try to reverse the roles or avoid these women for fear they don't measure up.
I think you can be a liberated and progressive woman and still appreciate chivalry from men, and not always have to come across as "I have this this and that myself, so you can't talk to me unless you have something more to offer".
Thanks Nathifa! In honor of Women's History month I felt it prudent to touch on this subject. I;m glad you enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmmm... Interesting.
ReplyDeleteFirst, let me say that, as a man, I completely recognize and understand that we live in a white-Christian-male dominated society, and any man that does not realize the affects of male privilege does so voluntarily because they cannot or will not accept their part in creating a two-tier system. It is wrong. It is disgusting. And it needs to be changed.
Now, let's get to some of the other issues. When a baby is born, I have yet to meet any man that has gotten more than a week of paternity leave. That's not fair. However, because women are the ones that actually birth the children, they necessarily have to be out of work for a while both before and after the child is born. If the two people that had a baby together worked for the same company, the company would lose two employees instead of one if the man didn't go back to work quickly. It doesn't make economic sense to grant the same amount of leave.
Next, let's look at household chores. In the hunter-gatherer societies, men did the hunting because, on average, they are stronger than women and can therefore carry more than their female counterparts. Also, since women give birth, they would be unable to go out and hunt for their family for specified periods of time. Instead, women stayed home and planted crops, took care of the children, etc. What neither feminists nor male cheauvenists ever like to admit or realize, however, is that WOMEN were the ones that provided the money for the households. The chance of selling the things brought home by men from the hunt paled in comparison to what could be sold and traded by the work of the woman. WOMEN WERE THE BREAD WINNERS. The "domestic" that men have come to subjugate and feminists have come to look at as a step backwards were actually the reason why society as we know it was able to even come into existence. My mother got a law degree after I was born, practiced for a few years, and then my parents came to a conclusion that she should stay home. That makes her no less of a woman. In fact, the fact that she was home allowed her to become more involved in the community, and she went on to become an Assemblywoman for our district. So I, personally find the idea of a woman staying at home not being in accordance with feminist principles insulting.
Finally, a few words on courtship. LADIES, CHIVALRY IS DEAD. Literally. Chivalry is the code of conduct and honor among knights in Medieval Europe. Etiquette is the word you are looking for. However, you do make a good point, Lynn. A lot of men have lost sight of the fact that women still want to/need to be courted. I do, however, take exception with some of your language. I am not picking you up,, paying for our meal, etc. because I believe my money to be a fair exchange for the blessing of your presence, nor does money have anything to do with my attempt to "woo" you and coerce you into blessing my lips with the presence of yours. PUH-LEASE!!! A man pays for a date because it is a way of showing that he wants to provide for a woman, to take care of a woman, to be supportive of a woman. And if a woman does not look at it in this manner, then she looks at herself as a whore whose lips, company, sex, etc. can be bought and paid for. Also, yes, no man wants to deal with a woman that constantly reminds him that she can do it all by herself, because if that's the case, she will do it all by herself.
I think this issue is a lot more complicated than what anyone wants to admit. Each side has valid points, and the purpose of this response was not to say one side is better than the other, but to show just how complex this can be. It is an issue that will not be solved with rhetoric or simplistic descriptions.
Al, Al, Al, your paragraph on courtship was obviously written by someone who enjoys spending time with women solely for their company, their beauty, their conversation with no necessary and obvious goal in mind other than to get to know her. I'm not saying if the evening leads to the bedroom you bow out, but there are the guys, who seem to be more prevalent than your kind, where the bedroom is the necessary and obvious goal. Do you know how many times I have been asked,"so do you live by yourself" "is your son with his dad tonight" or the MOST CORNY "I want to see you in your natural environment" WTF!!!!! These are the knuckle heads I speak of when I say "you woo me and I in return allow you to spend some time with me and maybe after the date I'll allow your lips to touch mine". Wooing me does not involve a self invite to MY CRIB.
DeleteI apologise if i did not differentiate, but if you are a gentleman you know that you DO NOT fit into that category. To all the respectable guys out there, that paragraph was not directed at you, or you you Al. ;-)