This past week my family suffered two deaths. One of them was quite sudden and shook me up for a while. Being the person that I am, I did not immediately take to FB and share my out pour of grief or call up friends so that I can boo-hoo over the matter. Instead I stayed in my room for about thirty minutes and did my own version grieving. Being that I'm from a small community some people inevitably found out and TEXTED or called me to send their condolences. I am uncomfortable with death when it happens to others, I never know what to say or how to share my sympathies. Its like this awkward moment and you're expected to say something poignant, deep, helpful. I usually say nothing and just hang around waiting for the family of the deceased to ask for something so that I can be the first to get it to show that I am here if she/he needs me. But now that the shoe is on the other foot I have found it quite ANNOYING and THOUGHTLESS to have people who barely know me or my family share their infinite wisdom in FIVE words "She's/He's in a better place"!!! WTF does that mean?? Yeah I get it, we're hoping the person that person gets to live an eternal life of bliss with our maker, but what if that person was a royal jackass? We all know where they're possibly going? But better yet...this statement does not make anyone feel better. I do not feel any better. If anyone can tell me WHERE this place is ...with certainty i'll relent. What place would be better than here with his loved ones, eating, drinking, having a good time with family and friends. For now all i know that the other place is six feet under in a box...that is not better.
And another thing, if you're going to come to the wake WITHOUT FOOD/DRINK please do not sit in the corner talking about how the deceased brought this on herself or talking about the other family members, its just in poor taste. So you might as well don't show up at all.
And....please if I'm still grieving two weeks later, do not call incessantly or bully your way through my front trying to get me to go see a movie. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE A MOVIE! My grief is mine, when I feel like going to see a movie I'll go. People forget what their role is during this time; its not to make sense of the situation or help me feel better, but to be a friend and that means being there for me when I need you.
P.S. Please don't text me your condolences, if we really are friends, I would appreciate your phone call.
Oh Lynn as I said been behind on my blog reading etc and didn't realize you were going through all that. Condolences. You will come to terms with your feelings in your own time.
ReplyDeleteI think death makes us all uncomfortable and we sometimes try to overcompensate by projecting what would make us feel better on the person who is grieving.