My memorial baby

My baby, acting a fool

 It was the Tuesday after memorial day. I awoke @ 6:15 AM with a desperate urge to go number one, but when I got to the bathroom that was not the case. I felt no pain, no discomfort,  just a steady flow of "life fluid" escaping me. Eleven hours later, @ 5:31 PM I gave birth to a tiny baby and earned the greatest achievement of my life. NO, not giving birth, being in pain for 10 hours approximately and not ripping Nigel to shreds. I am a SOLDIER! I would later rip him to shreds when I realized that I would never get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, no more spontaneous sex, and no eating or pooping on your own schedule, everything was was on his time....just like the army I was operating under another man's tightly kept regime. That first year of being a mother was a shock to my system, and I quite often suffered a system failure between 12 and 2AM every morning. Even my system failures were cut short to attend  to a hungry, wet, cranky baby. To say I was not ENJOYING motherhood wasn't quite accurate. Malachi made me happy; I loved seeing his smile and his mischievous looking one tooth, but the state of motherhood had  been exceedingly overrated, lied about to dope unsuspecting young women in love to create life. I felt completely duped and wanted my life back. If you ever want to scare your daughter into abstinence take her to a mommy and me group and let her watch all the strung out mothers walking around like zombies due to lack of sleep talking about organic baby food and their kids' bowel movements. trust me. I already had a kid, and listening to these women made me want to give mine back. Having a baby is no joke.....complete system failure. Did I mention that Malachi's terrible twos lasted from 18 months until he was 3 1/2?? THE WAR OF THE EGO. The day I realized that his "monster" stage was gone, I threw a small party. I packed a bag and took him into the public. He was now ready to be an active member of society and I didn't have to secretly pinch him under the table to remind of of his home training. He is now a well behaved member of the community, and I don't mind claiming him as my own.

Then came THE PORCELAIN WARS OF 2010 and 2011. I almost lost that one, but I kept at it , and fate brought me a natural strategy in the form of a bout of diarrhea. I'll spare you the details. But Malachi can now fully participate in all outdoor activities without the use of a pull up. Thank heavens

Hanging out with Malachi is my favorite part of the day, he is by far my most favorite person to be with. AND he says the funniest and sweetest things, though sometimes a bit weird. This morning, after jumping in bed under my blanket kicking me in my side, and waking me BEFORE the alarm went off he says to me, "Mommy are you up? I am not going to leave you today ok? I don't want to leave you all alone to day, because I don't want you to be all alone." How could you not love a guy that says this to you? Of course, that was also his attempt to get a day off from school. Did I mention he was also manipulative?

 As I celebrate his birthday this memorial weekend, all I can think of is wow we really came a long way. he no longer spits up on my shirt and I no longer need to lay him on the bed to wipe his butt. My System failures occur less often. I have gone through potty training and the terrible twos and came out a national hero for fighting both wars. My baby is turning five, he's growing up, and I just wish he stays as funny and sweet and absolutely gorgeous as he is right now.