No Sex In the Recreation Room...yes There is.

What do you think about relationships/affairs in the workplace? I believe its a no-no. It can get messy, inappropriate and awkward for those involved and those who know about it. Not to mentioned the possibility of getting fired. In a previous post, I mentioned that it seems like if everyone has slept with or is sleeping with everyone at bu current job..and I really think they are.

 One of the directors, Mz. Sexy, who recently lost some weight is apparently very happy with her new body and the way she looks and is delving into her interest in black men. Go ahead Ms. Sexy! Last week a conversation between her and ONE of her interests got so titillating I had to leave my desk so that I could preserve some of my innocence. Psssst...just between us he was out of the chair on her side of the desk.....She also got her hands on the only only good looking dread at the place...dammit (in case you didn't know, I have a thing for dreadlocks)....That same day she left work early and asked me to let "the guy" know she was in a meeting, "because its just easier". Can somebody say PLAYA?!?

I started eating my breakfast & lunch in the staff dining room so as to appear approachable and make friends. I was too approachable. Since then I have been asked all sorts of slightly inappropriate questions, including if I would be willing to pose for a picture so one of the guys can keep with him always. I would be fully clothed  of course. My response was that I'm here every week, no need for pictures. I mean it has gotten so bad that I think the prospect of fresh meat has temporarily put all the men on a serious high trying to get laid. They're like peacocks, spreading their plumes trying to get the attention of the new peahens. I think the concept of              no is such a rarity in this building that it has momentarily stunned them, and left them stupid. 

I can see how easy it may be for someone to find "love" at the workplace; its convenient, and you already know the person. However, its a tad LAZY. If you think you're so HOT why not venture out of the workplace and find a more suitable hookup, one that may not cost you your job or the respect of your superiors? And why would you think that its appropriate for you to approach every new young lady like she's a "ho" and proposition her? I understand that this type of behavior may have worked for you in the past, but if you're such a 'G', you should take pride in your shit, be a bit more clever and better your game. The same tired ass lines don't work on all women, especially in their place of work. Some of us actually have a touch of class.

But its not just the guys to blame, some of the girls show up in colored bras underneath their sheer tops. I asked one girl if she meant to do that and she looked at me as if that was such an inappropriate question. I have seen young women stick their butts out when walking pass guys so that the guys can "cop a feel" and then they act like they're so shocked. You just gave him an invitation, of course he's going to RSVP.

When at work keep your schlong in your slacks or else one day someone would take you too seriously and report your disgusting butt to HR, and you'll get accused of sexual harassment. 

My memorial baby

My baby, acting a fool

 It was the Tuesday after memorial day. I awoke @ 6:15 AM with a desperate urge to go number one, but when I got to the bathroom that was not the case. I felt no pain, no discomfort,  just a steady flow of "life fluid" escaping me. Eleven hours later, @ 5:31 PM I gave birth to a tiny baby and earned the greatest achievement of my life. NO, not giving birth, being in pain for 10 hours approximately and not ripping Nigel to shreds. I am a SOLDIER! I would later rip him to shreds when I realized that I would never get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, no more spontaneous sex, and no eating or pooping on your own schedule, everything was was on his time....just like the army I was operating under another man's tightly kept regime. That first year of being a mother was a shock to my system, and I quite often suffered a system failure between 12 and 2AM every morning. Even my system failures were cut short to attend  to a hungry, wet, cranky baby. To say I was not ENJOYING motherhood wasn't quite accurate. Malachi made me happy; I loved seeing his smile and his mischievous looking one tooth, but the state of motherhood had  been exceedingly overrated, lied about to dope unsuspecting young women in love to create life. I felt completely duped and wanted my life back. If you ever want to scare your daughter into abstinence take her to a mommy and me group and let her watch all the strung out mothers walking around like zombies due to lack of sleep talking about organic baby food and their kids' bowel movements. trust me. I already had a kid, and listening to these women made me want to give mine back. Having a baby is no joke.....complete system failure. Did I mention that Malachi's terrible twos lasted from 18 months until he was 3 1/2?? THE WAR OF THE EGO. The day I realized that his "monster" stage was gone, I threw a small party. I packed a bag and took him into the public. He was now ready to be an active member of society and I didn't have to secretly pinch him under the table to remind of of his home training. He is now a well behaved member of the community, and I don't mind claiming him as my own.

Then came THE PORCELAIN WARS OF 2010 and 2011. I almost lost that one, but I kept at it , and fate brought me a natural strategy in the form of a bout of diarrhea. I'll spare you the details. But Malachi can now fully participate in all outdoor activities without the use of a pull up. Thank heavens

Hanging out with Malachi is my favorite part of the day, he is by far my most favorite person to be with. AND he says the funniest and sweetest things, though sometimes a bit weird. This morning, after jumping in bed under my blanket kicking me in my side, and waking me BEFORE the alarm went off he says to me, "Mommy are you up? I am not going to leave you today ok? I don't want to leave you all alone to day, because I don't want you to be all alone." How could you not love a guy that says this to you? Of course, that was also his attempt to get a day off from school. Did I mention he was also manipulative?

 As I celebrate his birthday this memorial weekend, all I can think of is wow we really came a long way. he no longer spits up on my shirt and I no longer need to lay him on the bed to wipe his butt. My System failures occur less often. I have gone through potty training and the terrible twos and came out a national hero for fighting both wars. My baby is turning five, he's growing up, and I just wish he stays as funny and sweet and absolutely gorgeous as he is right now.

I think she's a hater.

Why is it so difficult to get your girlfriends to support you?? For years I would have these amazing ideas (I thought) and only a few girls would actually give constructive criticism or actually say something positive. They have been the same women throughout the years, and I find it so mind boggling that women can be such haters to other women. I love hanging out with my girls talking shit or having intelligent conversations, or laughing at silly things at the expense of others, but growing up I have felt different in the presence in some girls. Some seemed so conniving, deceitful, and just so petty. A FRIEND once set me up on a phone conversation with her current boyfriend to see how far I would go. Since I thought she was a friend, he was quickly shot down, and I told her what happened. She then told me she set up the whole thing, needless to say we are no longer friends. Its crap like that has made me want to hang out more with the guys, but they have their own issues.... and that's for another post.

I am currently brainstorming a project with a close friend of mine and besides her and another close friend, everyone I have told have had the same thing to say to me "oui papa, you ain't play doing big tings nah" and that was it. No show of interest in the project, no asking how am I gonna get this done, how far I have gotten. I mean, am I too sensitive or or did those women just told me in their own little Grenadian way that I'm getting too big for my britches? Their attitude is not going to sway me. I'm not 13 anymore, but it would be nice to say this person has been there for me and is a true friend.

It saddens me a bit that I have to cut people off or walk away from a friendship because someone hasn't grown up as yet. As I'm maturing, I am embracing everything woman. I'm enjoying talking to other women, being in their company, sharing experiences about children, men, sex, fashion or just gossiping...I'm just loving being a woman ....I'm Loving Me. And I appreciate all the women in my life. But I understand that some just can't let their guard down and be happy for others. Its ok though, I just bought a new pair of shades to block out all that haterade.

Chime in, what has been your experience with fellow women?

Gimme a minute, I got some things I need to get off my chest

Things that I should have said to my exes

1) No, you weren't my first.

2) Sorry, I'm just not feeling you anymore. Yes, I'm seeing someone else. Yes, I already started. Technically its not cheating...I was  already done, you just didn't know.

3) Grown men should not be wearing briefs.... especially not with leopard prints.

4) The "jack rabbit" is not an acceptable form of lovemaking after age 25. Learn a new technique.

5) It is not ok that you only have one more class to complete to earn your degree but you're here talking about being a professional radio personality and wondering when you're gonna make it....that sounds stupid to me!

Things that I should have said to fellow passengers on the train.

1) Your spatial perception must be off because your ass is way too big to fit in that seat. 

2) It is not ok for your ass to be caressing my ass, I don't care how packed the train is.

3) MEN: Because you have a schlong between your legs it doesn't give you leeway to occupy two seats. Your genitalia doesn't require special treatment from the MTA.

4) If my head is down, if my headphones are in my ear, if I'm reading a book, if all three occur at the same time..take a hint...I do not want to talk about the wonderful weather we're having or how slow the train is today....and yes...it is cold enough for me.

5) To the hot guy in the seat in front of me...hey ;-) My name is Lynn, wonderful weather we're having huh?

3 Things I should have said to my teachers

1) I totally plagiarized that paper.

2) I'm only taking this class for the easy A, I don't really need to know how to do a downward dog and the garland pose...except for sex. (Just so you know, I didn't miss one class ;-) )

3) Thank you Prof. Darling!!! I really loved my African American History classes. (NO, I'm not a total cynic)

Prof. Marsha J. Tyson Darling

Things I want to say to my five year old son.

1) Don't take relationship advice from your dad, he is not as smooth as he seems. Trust me. Don't fall for the hype.

2) You already have everything you need to make a girl fall for you....a nice smile and good manners.

3) The day you start acting like a player is the day I will disown you. 

4) You didn't hear this from me, but, if you decide not to attend college right away its ok. But this is just between you and me.

You gotta fake it to make it..

My new job has completed humbled me. With a downturn of events in my life I have had to accept a job for which I am rather over qualified, as the jobs for which I am most suited also think that I am over qualified (I can't even explain that). Having to make copies for people who I should be supervising, or completing tasks that are easy on my cognitive capabilities has left me EAGER...just a tad... but mindful that no matter my experiences or status in life or my education nothing is guaranteed. Who would have thought that 10 years after university, after ten years plus of work experience I would be "undesirable" to some pompous H.R. fart??

I don't know how people arrive at the conclusions they do, but hiring anyone with my pedigree and references would be an excellent choice. Instead it is seen as a potential loss because 1) I require more salary and benefits to start than someone less educated and less experienced, 2) I may, in the future, require an increase for all my experience and education and 3) I may flee the company in 6 months to a year to put my education and experience to better use, and receive a better salary and benefits package (its all about the benefits!)  BUT WAIT, aren't these qualities true for any potential candidate? Why wouldn't you want someone more educated, experienced, ambitious with the potential to excel? To hire against these qualities purposely would suggest that the people in the HR department/management are idiotic and incapable of effectively running a company. It is a backward way of thinking that is helping to keep young educated people without a job, or underemployed and feeling desolate.

[PAUSE, RE-READ PREVIOUS STATEMENTS FOR CONNECTIVITY] scratch that first sentence.....I have yet to be achieve a state humility. How can I? I'm trying. I grin and bare it, act as professionally as I can. Give 1000 where 100 is requested, but its so damn hard. I was taught, and have experienced that if you work hard, earn the respect of your supervisors you move forward, you're rewarded with more responsibility, status on the job and more money....and a better benefits package ( did i mention how important benefits are?) Now, currently for all my years of hard work I HAVE TO START ALL OVER. More ass kissing, more sucking up, more happy hours that are boring and uncomfortable as hell, more proving your value for a job that pays 65% less than what I used to make (yeah, i did the math, I guess it did come in handy Mr. McIntosh)

Someone suggested to me that I should delete certain parts of my resume to make it more "marketable" and for a minute I considered it.... because I am 65% more in debt...lol....then I thought, shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't I somehow try to find a way to make me sound more experienced and filled with more potential than I really am??? See? BACKWARD ASS THINKING!!! 

So no, I am not humbled...I'm grinning and baring it.

Blue day...week

Sometimes you just have a bad day and it creates a bad week, I just had one of those. Blog is ready to be posted, but what i wrote about is not how I feel at the moment. its just been one sucky, sucky, sucky day. I'll try again tomorrow....maybe sneaking off to see the new Avengers movie will out me in better spirits...arrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....so pissed!!!