I wear hoodies, am I suspiscious?

Most days I have one specific topic that I want to talk about and I hone in on that topic and allow my thoughts to flow effortlessly. Today, is not one of those days; I have a few ideas jumping around, all wanting to be laid out first, none more restless than the Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman shooting incident. I don't have anything new to say that hasn't already been said or written by the media and the community, but like everyone else I can't get over the mind numbing incident.

I feel as disgusted, shocked, horrified, stunned, stupefied as anyone else. And this week, as new information surfaces about Trayvon's background, specifically his suspension from school for being in the possession of an empty "baggie" (a tiny bag used to hold marijuana), the people on Zimmerman's defense are using that to cast a shadow on his character. They are also stating that there was a struggle and Trayvon was trying to take the gun away from Zimmerman all to lead the Grand Jury to believe that Trayvon may have played a part in getting himself shot and that Zimmerman is not to blame.

Zimmerman has his lawyer friend, Joe Oliver, who seems to be African American giving interviews and stating that Zimmerman is not racist, which is evident as his chosen mouthpiece is African American (WTF?!?), and that he himself is a minority. In our group, I'm Loving Me on Sunday night, a few of the ladies reminded us that racism is not only White on Black hate; other minorities are just as guilty of being racist to other groups and ofentimes their own.

What this incident has clearly brought the to the surface and make everyone take notice is that FEAR BREEDS VIOLENCE. Mr Zimmerman saw a young black man, over 6ft tall wearing a hoodie at night and everything in his being told him that this young man was a threat to him. What I want to know is what incident in Zimmerman's life led him to believe that black men in hoodies pose a threat? Pretty soon selling or buying hoodies might be taboo. If you wear a hoodie you must be "gangsta" or "ghetto", and we all know people from the ghetto are always up to no good. And if you wear one, you better look out, cause you might get shot. This type of logic is
 "ASS BACKWARDS".   Did you hear that Geraldo??  

PEOPLE make threats, not hoodies

You misunderstand me, let me explain.

I HATE IT when people say "Lynn you sound white" or "There you go acting white again" or "Stop that, you sound white". Not only is it annoying, its narrow minded, its a bit racist and stereotypical, and just plain ignorant. I get that from family members, close friends, and people that claim to know me. I gladly admit to not using EBONICS. Why would I when I say one thing ten different ways using ENGLISH! AND EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS!

I know how to string a sentence together without using Ebonics and apparently I'm white for doing that? How moronic? My superb use of the English language should be seen as evidence of my above average education and my robust knowledge of the English language not as a marker for race or background. To confuse the two would suggest that you require further education yourself. Black or White, excellent use of the English language should be something that we are to be proud of and not something for which we are to be ridiculed. One of my favorite authors is Jane Austen, not because of the content or the subject of her books, but her writings are so eloquent. The women in the novels can dismantle you using just their words and you'd never know it. Words are one of our greatest asset, not something that is relegated to just one race or class of people.

Because my skin is brown, this shouldn't automatically lead you to believe that Ebonics and me are friendly. Why is it difficult for some to reconcile brown girl with eloquent speech? One would think that a brown skinned girl, as myself with great use of the language should illicit some sort of pride, but instead some are a bit put off. "I'm not down" "I'm not hood". THANK GOD! Hood is not something I aspire to. When I lay awake at night I think of how I can earn money so that I can live a comfortable life, not in any manner does hood come into play.

I am also told that I am soft, because I smile too much, or can't cuss, or cant take a cuss. All these things are true, I deny nothing. I smile a lot, I try not to sometimes, but I cant help it. I have nothing to be upset about (except my lack of income). When I'm walking down the street,m people just start smiling at me; I assume it because they believe I'm smiling at them. In reality, I don't even know why I'm smiling, It just happens. I cant cuss, when I try it sounds like a nun trying to be vulgar; just doesn't sound right. I detest confrontation, so if you're cussing me, I'm going to listen and when you're done I'll walk away. I'll consider that our goodbye. I like to be positive, optimistic. My sister says I need to toughen up, and speak up. I speak up plenty. I, however, believe that when people are being abrasive they pull you in with them and that changes you; it sullies you a bit. If that makes me "white" or "soft" then so be.

I like me. I have never wanted to be anything other than me. I am secure in me and I know that whoever I am may not fit into an ideal box, but I am so happy for that. Pleasing people is not one of my talents. I have always done things differently. I walk differently, I dance differently, I cook differently, I clean differently, I see things differently and my family have always said that I was awkward. I have come to realise that I am not awkward at all, far from it. I just see a different route or plan and people take notice. Its not awkward, its just a difference, and I like different.

Embrace your differences, love your soft, white sides, and speak well...let them take notice.

Don't know about you, but I'm Loving Me!

Confident Woman

How many of you still get butterflies in your tummy when that special guy walks by? I haven't had that feeling in YEARS! But last week, I met a guy, JM, that made me weak in the knees, slowed down my thought process and reverted me to my High School days. He talked about himself, asked me questions, looked directly into my eyes, smiled, accidentally on purpose touched my hands, and I reciprocated for over an hour. I left feeling like an ass, cause I was really feeling this guy, and I should have asked him out. I saw JM again yesterday for just a bit and after I left I paced Pitkin ave, back and forth for ten minutes wondering if I should go up to him and hand him my number ( he was at work, so I was very hesitant) I decided to call him instead. I asked him out for lunch, he hesitated, I gave him an out, but he said no, he wants to go out, but he has to get back to me ( he needs to check his work schedule for the week ?!?) Was that a subtle brush off? REJECTION??

This was exactly what I did not want happen....I DO NOT LIKE REJECTION!! I do have to say though, once I asked JM out, I felt better. My ego suffered a bit, but I was content that I made the move and wasn't outside his office acting like a bumbling idiot.

 Guys have been asking me out since I had breasts and I never once thought about how they might feel before they ask or after....today I say...KUDOS! It takes a lot to go up to someone with great looks, sexy smile and a nice ass. Yet guys do it everyday, and women expect it; its a social norm. Some guys prefer it this way, they can remain in control and feel like the guy. But there are some more progressive men that don't mind a confident woman approaching them (note: confident, not pushy or abrasive), it takes the guesswork out of the mating game, and lets the man know that we are confident with who we are and don't mind taking the lead once in while.

A girlfriend told me she asked a guy out once, he said no, and she will never ask out a guy again because the sting of rejection was so much she doesn't want to go through that again. I can definitely understand that, but after I have had a day or so to mull things over, I feel differently. JM probably gave me the brush off because he has a girlfriend, or he just wasn't interested as mush I thought he was. Either way those are things that I have no control over. If a guy isn't immediately attracted to you, the only way to develop feelings for someone is to spend time with that person, and we haven't had that opportunity. So I can't take it personally if he doesn't yet know the awesome-ness that is Lynn. Because I am totally awesome. Granted I don't have a job, and I'm broke, but you wouldn't find a better, cooler chick than me. I was quickly reminded about this FACT after walking two blocks catching the eye of another young man...I AM HOT!

                                     
                                              GUYS BEWARE.....I'M ON THE PROWL!

Independent Women

When Betty Friedan wrote the Feminine Mystique in the 1960s it sparked the second wave of the feminist movement, the Women's Liberation, and highlighted the feelings, struggles and yearnings that so many women of that time felt. In the 1950s and 1960s, it was the right thing to do for women to obtain an education, maybe work for a couple of years to meet a respectable husband, get married, make a home, have dinner parties for your husband's colleagues and have a family. That was it. That was all you got to accomplish. The decor of your home, your husband's starched shirts and well mannered children were were all signs of a good wife. Even if some women earned degrees at top women's universities like Vasser and Sarah Lawrence (both now co-ed), their skills were better put to use making a happy home for their families. Then, Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem came along and said marriage is not the end of the road, there is life after the wedding day, and that women can do more. Women now have legalized abortion, better job opportunities and better pay. We are now seen as equals in every part of society.....

....EXCEPT AT HOME. Granted more and more men are helping out with the household duties when asked, or if we're out of town for a night or two, but why is it that our husbands/partners never wash the dishes without being asked, or do the laundry, go grocery shopping, or TAKE A DAY OFF WORK WHEN THE BABY IS SICK. When you really look at it, it is  the woman's professional life that is being sacrificed frequently. She is the one that puts in the same hours as her husband, then comes home to make dinner, help out with homework and put the kids to sleep, clean up the kitchen, put away the laundry, give her husband a nice "back rub" and then wake up at 5:30 AM to get the kids up, make them breakfast and lunches and then get to work TIRED and still have to find the energy to stand her ground at work. God forbids if the teacher calls during the day to say that the little one is sick or got suspended, then mom has to LEAVE work to take care of that as well. What has aways bugged me is that when fathers stay home with their kids, it is not parenting, its "babysitting".  DADS....YOU CANNOT BABYSIT your own kids!!

I fee like sometimes, we are paying for wanting to be equal. Equal rights, does not mean we have to do it all, it means WE ARE YOUR EQUALS! We share everything EQUALLY. Some men may be idiotic to think , well if you want equal rights, then you should pay for your own meal when we go out, or you should pick me up. Its called dating; you woo me and I in return allow you to spend some time with me and maybe after the date I'll allow your lips to touch mine. My sister, an accountant for Ernest and Young, told me recently that she cannot remember the last time a guy picked her up to go on a date or took her somewhere nice to dine. I was shocked. My sister has it together, car, job, money, NO BABY DADDY and she's under 30,  SOME GUYS see all these accomplishments and they think that she should be the one wearing the pants. Why can't she find a guy that's MAN ENOUGH to want to be with someone like her, not take advantage of her standing and still treat her like a woman?

I like the feminist ideals, because it makes my life easier and more productive. I am more accomplished because of feminism, but did we shout I AM WOMAN too loudly or are some men producing less testosterone??

If you shout I don't need you loud enough and often enough pretty soon everyone is going go hear you and walk away. Is that what we have done? How can women still carve out a professional life for themselves and still get equal treatment from the men with whom we have personal relationships? How can we get our husbands/partners to realise that our jobs are just as important as theirs? How can we teach them to appreciate all that an accomplished woman has to offer without being intimidated?

We already went to jail, stood in the cold in protest and burned our bras, what's next?

The best of me...so far

This past week, both my son and I were sick, and as a result, blogging was not at the top of my to-do-list, sleep was...I didn't get any!! I was about to put off writing this post to get an early rest, but I just couldn't fall asleep. I began to think of the silly, dumb ass things I've done, like jumping into a 9 foot pool at a friend's house knowing fully well that I can't swim (in my defense I thought I could "dive") and climbing a fence while slightly intoxicated, and would I, if I could, go back in time to change anything.

I was a bit of a wall flower growing up, sometimes I still can be; you will never catch me leading the dancing at a party and I am not the person who will start a conversation with a complete stranger on the train. However, growing up I had a great group of friends that made it very easy for me to be myself, and easy to let loose a bit and enjoy life, but would I relive my life?

These are just a few of the incidents that crossed my mind:

The first dumb ass move I remember making, which was by accident, no friends involved here, was in Mr. Best's chemistry class in high school where I neutralized the school's ENTIRE supply of acid. After a class practical assignement, we were instructed to return the liquids (acids and bases) to their respective containers and I not paying attention emptied my "base" jar into the class "acid" jar, and emptied my "acid" jar into the class "base" jar to a resounding "Lynnnnnnn noooooooo" from a few girls seated at the front of the class. After that, I was still certain that I was right, but after Mr. Best tested the supply, he could only look at me and shake his head. I couldn't even apologise I was so embarrassed. I later on gained the nickname "neut", as in neutraliser, for a few days. Lesson learned? Don't daydream about your boyfriend in chem cass, you might miss something important.

Then there was the pool incident, which I mentioned. I recovered just fine after a friend dove in to fetch me...after I was above water I puppy swam my way out..not pretty...all because I wanted to show off my new plaid bikini. Lesson? To show of paid bikini all I had to do was strut around the pool, no drowning necessary.

Next up...getting drunk with my college roomate and a  few friends, climbing a fence, getting on the swing and falling off said swing backwards, and then laying there to look at the stars. Lesson learned? I can only handle ONE beer a night.

Then...going to a club with my roomate where there was no dress code in hoodies and tims...Lesson? I dont need to be dolled up to have a good time.

My sister, my girlfriend, and I dressing up like TLC for halloween in GRENADA...then taking a stroll through the neighborhood. (FYI, Grenada does not celebrate halloween).....then later that year,  my sister and I dressing up like Kriss Kross just because it was Sunday...and taking a stroll through the neighborhood....no lesson here, just good times.

The summer I twisted BOTH my ankles a DAY apart...I was a very clumsy child. lesson? stop day dreaming about your boyfriend while walking in traffic.

Oh yes, the night I wrapped myself in SARAN WRAP to go on a date with this HOTTTTT guy....everything was sweaty, and by the end of the night the wrap had bunched up and had formed this big plastic bulge under my dress. Looking back the guy wasn't worth wasting my mother's saran wrap. Lesson? Wear tummy control tights, not saran wrap on a date.

A few months back, a friend and I pretended to be celebrating out third wedding anniversary at a restaurant, hoping that we would get a discount, or a free dessert or something. We ooooh-ed, aaaaaah-ed, made googly eyes, held hands...and then GOT NOTHING....except "awwww congratulations" then of course the waitress asked us how we met and got all in our business. By this time I was past the ONE BEER limit (see drunken swing incident) and I was a happy fool...the shit that came out of my mouth was priceless. Lesson? If you're going to lie, lie sober....and find out if the restaurant offers discounts for anniversaries BEFORE the lying ensues.

And lastly, at work one day...I had a Michael Jackson moment (may he R.I.P). In the middle of the office, all done up cause I had a meeting, I decided to run to my desk to obtain a file I forgot and....yup....I fell FLAT, face down on the floor....and NO ONE HELPED, I looked up and all I saw was little heads popping out of their cubicles looking for "whatever made that sound". Lesson? NEVER run in heels on a carpeted floor....NEVER!

These moments may seem quite tame in comparison to some others, but everytime I look back it makes me think, would I ever go back to change anything, and the answer is always no. I had fun growing up, high school was fun, college was better, and after college...well its still after college and I'm still having fun (much less after Malachi). I did what I was suppossed to do, no need to change anything. House parties....clubs....drinking....smoking (flavored cigs and a bit of sensi)...road trips...spur of the moment trips to Boston, FLA...I HAD FUN. Can't wait for Malachi to turn 18....5 down 13 to go!