Have you ever thought that maybe love can be a
choice? I was thinking about that today. Can you choose to love or not to be in
love with someone? How much control do you have over love? Is it like choosing
to be happy in the face of difficult circumstances? Sometimes when things get
so tough, its easy to just sit and wallow in your sadness, but then you say hey
you know what, this sucks but I can still be happy about other things in my
life. Maybe love is like that; if the circumstances are right, meaning if the
other person is treating you well, showing you the affection you think you deserve, and tells you that
they want to spend the rest of their life with you. Can you say this is good for
me? I need this kind of a relationship and even though I am not there yet, I want to be there, and I want to be there with you. Sometimes, when you watch
movies of folks who were matched by their families' they say that at first they
weren't in love with their spouse or they loved another, but as time went on,
they grew to mutually respect each other and respect bore affection and then a
deep love for each other. Can love grow like that in real life? Can you pick
when to love or who to love?
Conversely, can you choose not to love someone
or when to fall out of love with someone? In the same manner of you saying I want
o be in love with his person, can you say he or she is all wrong for me, I do
not want to fall in love with him. You can choose not to socialize or
communicate with his person anymore, and that might stop deeper feelings from
developing, but if you're already in love, how effective can that mind set be? Or does time have a huge part to play in this? How much time do you need to fall out
love? If you've known someone for a year versus ten years, does it take a
shorter amount of time to fall out of love, or does it depend on the depth of
feelings you had for that person? I remember Watching a Sex In the city Episode
where Charlotte had a formula for the amount of time she was supposed to have
to grieve a relationship, it was half the time of the length of the
relationship. So for instance if you were in a ten year relationship it would
take you 5 years to get over that person. That seems like a friggin long ass
time to be grieving an asshole. Which is why I'm thinking if you want to fall
out of love, and not go through all the tears, depression, weigh
gain/loss, rebound guys you should be able to just by saying he's a jackass, i don't love you anymore. And that should be that. It doesn't help you to get over someone
if you're constantly thinking about the good times, that's counterproductive. A
relationship ends for a reason, whether it was a mutual decision or not; when
it ends move on.
The more you think about something, the more
it becomes true. Just ask a pathological liar, they tell so many lies so often,
they cant figure out the truth themselves. Its like customizing your mind,
gearing your self yourself to be feel and be a certain way...it becomes
habitual.Not loving, or loving someone becomes you.
What do you guys think? Can you condition
yourself to love or not to be in love with someone? Should we just let our
selves feel whatever comes our way and not be cognizant about choices over our love
life? Is this at all possible?
Its a loaded question. I think many of us have set high expectations for what we refer to as "love". We look at movies, read novels etc and get drawn into the hype.
ReplyDeleteLiking someone, in my opinion is the most important component of this whole " love" business in order for the relationship to thrive once the honeymoon period is over.
So I suppose, I don't believe you can condition yourself to "love" someone. You either do or you don't. My experience though is that the one that you love- may not necessarily love you.
I think there is a larger answer than just yes or no. In some ways it is both. Love is a choice yes, because you need to actively choose to allow yourself to be open enough to trust, to feel, to be possibly hurt and all other things that encompass love. Without choosing to really do these things, you can say you love, try to act as if you love, but somewhere deep down it won’t be fully true. But there is also a no in the answer, because you can sometimes have those feelings for someone and even though you actively choose to ignore, not act on or demonstrate your love to them for whatever reason the buried feelings are still there triggered sometimes but a passing contact, a song, a word, an event, a place, a common acquaintance etc.
ReplyDeleteTo really answer though, you have to be clear on what is the definition of love to you. it does not mean the same thing to everyone. If you go back to old Greek academic teachings of it, there are 4 types and they are not mutually exclusive: Eros, storge, agape and philia. Eros is sexual and very emotive and what we most often associate with the word. Storge is the familial love like the type a mother innately has for her child. It can be as strong and passionate as eros, but is rooted in very different feelings. Philia is the love for your friends, your BFFs and whatever other terms you choose. It can be deep but is rooted more in friendship than sexual attration or family bonds. Agape is the most expansive and more like the love for all human beings. Where flaws, or not, irritating or not, different or not you can still love them for being people. You don’t have to like a person to show Agape love.
The strongest loves I think are those where are least 2 of those 4 intersect. Eros by itself is heartache without at least Philia. Just like Family love can be trying…we all have relatives that we “love” but really do not like. So as I said yes love is a choice…sometimes, but others times when a deeper love…nope.
I think love isn't a choice I believe its in your gut and your heart is what tells you if your in love or are being loved. Love definitely not a choice, love is something you'll know from having butterflies in your stomach to knowing every time you see that person its feels like the first time you've met.
ReplyDeleteNow love does get stronger through the years its a progression, just as long as you are keeping your significant other naturally and spiritually happy love will never fade. Love is extremely big on how your being treated if your taking time out for each other whether its date night, a walk in the park, or being held and hugged. Love makes sex feel 100 times better than just having sex and it being over.
I'm in a unique situation myself I have this girl that I know that I feel I love but due to our unique situations I can't go hard the way I want too. I know I've had feelings for her for years and i always thought about her wondering how she was doing from time to time. We kind of just started talking about our feelings and talking for a long time and asking questions about each other. There is more I want to say I know she gives me that love feeling when we speak but due to certain circumstances we've agreed that now isn't the time. So do I love her based on the way she makes me feel .......imma say YES.
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