I was reading an article recently that mentioned if we (women) don't feel loved or supported then it affects other areas of our lives (relationships, work, school). The article goes on to say that African American women are the most undervalued group of women in the U.S. and are often the most stressed out. I sat and I thought about that point for a minute and came to the conclusion that this does have some merit. I don't know about you, but in my culture/household, this is what support looks like; "...that don't fit you right...why you buying clothes that fit you so..." repeated with utter disdain spread across the face, or "...I'll help you with...but I need $20" What kind of support is that? The people in my culture seemingly have extreme difficulty expressing their thoughts, love, support in a more accepting manner as it may make them them soft or vulnerable. What they might tell you in response to this is that they were not brought up this way or the ever popular, "don't bring eggs to rock stone dance", meaning you either toughen up or don't come around with your emotional shit! The women in my culture, mostly, are seemingly very strong minded, strong willed and very strong backed. We might be characterized as loud, demeaning, threatening. All of this I believe to be facade or untrue. But that's a different topic for a another blog.I just want one person in their lives to tell them its ok to let those walls down just a bit. Not everyone in your life needs to have their head snapped off, and that there is a way to talk to people without complete disdain and disregard in your voice. People want to be encouraged, supported, loved in different ways. If you really want to help someone out, find out what THEY NEED and HOW THEY WOULD LIKE it packaged. Don't offer your support, advice, love, encouragement how you see fit or pretty soon the only people that will be left in your midst would be people just like you...loud opinionated and un-supportive. But please don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying that you should lie or sugar coat everything, I'm saying...Be Nice. Showing someone you love, support them makes them feel better about themselves, boosts their self-esteem. Why wouldn't you want to help your friend, sister, mom etc feel better about them selves? What about you? Do you have difficulty offering your support in a way that may leave you vulnerable?
